How to help my mum?

[lashesandnails]

My mum (nearly 70 years old) has been married to a rather abusive man for around 20 years. No physical abuse (as far as I know) but every other sort you can imagine. Latest thing is spying on her phone, installing trackers and so on. He quizzes her on her daily activities and always "knows" where she is. He's been grinding her mentally for pretty much the whole time they've been married.
Finally, she's had enough and is thinking of leaving him but doesn't want me to tell anyone yet. She's trying to slowing and gradually get her things out of their house. I've offered her the option of storage things in my empty garage and in my attic.
I am a single parent and get UC and worried that if she comes to stay with me (I have the space), this will affect my UC. I get around £500 per month UC so I couldn't really afford to lose it, not when only working part time in a low pay job.
I'm a survivor of DA and have told my mum about refuges etc but she's adament she doesn't want to go into a refuge.
She has friends who I'm sure would help accommodate her temporarily but they're out of area and she doesn't want to be too far away from my DC. She's a big help with childcare for me too. We have no other family.
She's a pensioner and has very little savings (i think less than £5000, so I know she could never buy a place on her own), and rents in our area aren't cheap.
What are her options?
Any how is the safest way for her to tell her husband she's leaving? I've told her the most dangerous time in DA situations is when the abuser knows you are planning to leave. I've told her I'd be willing to go to police with her and ask if they could arrange to accompany her in leaving (in case he turns aggressive or obstructs her) but she thinks this would be too "dramatic" and doesn't want the neighbours worrying or gossiping.
Anyone on here who has had an elderly relative fleeing DA?

Rents or owns?

she is married. She should seek legal advice asap

Think the best thing would be to get legal advice. Whose house is it? Your poor mum

They own the house in joint name, no mortgage.

Then legal advice
sharpish

I don't know what the legal system allows for, however it seems only fair that if she decides to move in with you despite having several other options she just doesn't want, that she financially compensates you.
Her staying with you shouldn't place a financial burden on you.
That means she compensates any loss in UC, but also pays for her share of utilities, food, ...

That is, if you actually want her to live with you, because it seems that there is no long-term plan here.

As for how to tell her partner she's leaving... Can she not tell him and just go?
Or is there any family member or friend that can help her collect her things?
I once had a friend who needed to leave home and she spend weeks, maybe months, taking a few personal items out of the house every time she went anywhere and dropped them off at my house. She got most of her things out in a few weeks time.

Have a look on entitledto.com - if you rent you will need to notify UC she's moved in and they'll deduct an amount as she is an adult non dependent - but your mom can probably make that back up so you don't lose out.

She'll need a solicitor when she's out to get the house sold etc but in the meantime she needs to claiming for herself as a single once she's living with you. Which is she is on state pension ensuring if she's eligible, that she claims Pension credit too in her own right.

Hi op has your mum made attempts to leave before? How much of your time with her is spent talking about her relationship? How long has it been this way?

The only way her moving in with you is that if you rent then you would lose around £95 a month off your rent element ( non dependent deduction). She could surely compensate you for that from her state pension. If she has a low state pension then she can check whether she is eligible for pension credit until she receives her half of the divorce settlement. You would also lose your single occupancy council tax discount.

No, she's never tried to leave before but has been on the radar of DA services for years. She's been offered help and support if she wanted it, but has always refused it. This has been going on since the early 2000s. She first told me she'd been to the police for advice about it in approx 2002 or 2003, but wouldn't actually leave. Since then, she's become eroded to a shell of her former self.
I see here in her home a couple of times per week and see her once a week away from the home.

How many bedrooms do you have?

Just have her come live with you if you have the room, as it would suit you both all round. Simply declare her as a non dependent and you will lose £95 pm off your UC which mum will have to make up to you. Which is nothing compared to having to rent somewhere .

This. I assume she must at least get a state pension. I would expect her to contribute to the household to make up any losses. It would surely work in both your favours to have the help of an extra person around. Cheaper overall food costs if sharing between you, help with childcare in the home, even if she isn’t directly paying your bills.