No compromise

[Delly9]

My partner and I have not been away together for 2 years as he is accident prone and gets injuries so is always recovering from something. We have agreed to go away as he feels ok and 4 nights is cheaper than 3 nights so we said go for 4 nights.

His daughter is waiting for an operation and he is worried it will coincide. I said we can just move or rebook if this happens. Otherwise we just won’t go away if we are waiting on an operation date.

Then he is complaining saying he will be away from his mother’s cats he has now as she passed away a few months ago. He said 5 days is too long in a cattery and can we go for 2 nights. I have looked up local catteries and 2 in particular have outstanding reviews and one sends you photos daily of how the cats are doing. He’s got relatives round the corner but that’s not right asking them to feed the
cats multiple times a day as they are busy too.

I really don’t see the point going away for 2 nights. I have to do the driving all the time because he can’t drive because of his leg issues. It’s selfish because if I have to drive nearly 3 hours to get there and back then cram everything in 2 days I am going to be burnt out. I feel like not going at all.

I have been respectful not pushing him to go away the last 2 years as it’s not enjoyable going away when you’re not well. I just feel he won’t compromise.

Go away with a friend and leave him to his faffing

He doesn't sound as if he actually wants to go on holiday. It's very odd that he has so many accidents in a 24 month period that will prohibit him being away for even a weekend - is he just continually making excuses that extend his recovery time for all of these incidents so that he doesn't have to go?

At this point, I wouldn't want to be going away with him as he sounds like he would be a stressball for the duration of the break. Can you go with a friend or a family member? I think that would be my preference.

The cats will be fine for five days or more. Or is there a pet sitter local who you can book to come in daily? That’s what we do as my cat doesn’t like going the car (she’s fine once she gets to the cattery). Look on your local Facebook group for a recommendation.

I don’t think he wants to go, there always seems to be a reason excuse.

I’d hate to not go away with my partner ever. But I wouldn’t miss out completely, I agree with PP that I’d be going with a friend at this stage.

He very clearly does not want to go away.

It sounds like he doesn't really want to go away. Book up a trip with a friend and leave him to his cats!

I don’t get him as he is the one always saying we need to go away!

I know it's trite, but it is a truism... Actions speak louder than words. When you get him to take action... he won't! If he wanted to, he'd take action.

Behaviour is a language, and it can radically contradict whatever comes out of peoples mouths.
The most valuable lesson you can learn, is to stop trusting peoples words and start trusting that their actions speak the truth.

He may have said you should go away. Whatever his motivations were for saying that, you'll probably never know. Maybe he knows that's the socially expected thing to say.
However in his actions his true intentions and desires shine through.

He doesn't want to go away.
He will look for any excuse not to go away.
If he has to go away, he'll make sure the trip is a brief as possible.

Whatever he says after this, trust his actions over his words. They are more reliable every single time.

This.

He doesn't want to go away with you. He's always got a reason not to go.

Depending on what his leg issues are, could he be really uncomfortable or in pain on a car trip or airplane? If that's it, maybe consider travel via train.

If I've learnt anything in my 50+ years it's to pay attention to actions rather than words.

Maybe he wants to want to go away (IYSWIM)..

Maybe he thinks it's what you want to hear.

Either way his actions say he doesn't want to go.

It sounds like he’s one of those people who plods along in life moaning but then when give the answers they find every excuse for something still to be wrong.

You can either use a cattery or hire a pet sitter to come in on them every day.

If he really wanted to go, he would.

Plan something with your friends and leave him to it.

He sounds very dull OP. What are his good points?