I'm middle aged and live with a number of conditions that have made life and relationships very difficult. Nevertheless, I've fought really hard to make and keep friends in my life in some capacity although I haven't had the energy to foster close links with more than a few people and I'm hindered in ways that most people aren't (eg speech disorders mean phone calls take weeks of mental preparation and then days to recover - even though you wouldn't know I had speech disorders, I sound normal). And because, until recently, I didn't have diagnoses for most of these conditions I could never explain why I couldn't do some things or sustain certain types of effort which has left me in a situation where a lot of people think I'm quite a low effort, flaky friend, even though I'm pushing myself to the point of exhaustion just to give what I'm giving on a sporadic basis.
For the first time in my life, however, there are a number of treatments on the horizon for some of my conditions and I'm starting to dream about trying to improve the friendships I do have and maybe even make more friends, but I'm really not sure what to aim for or what's normal. I know it varies widely but I'd be interested to hear from other people who consider themselves middle aged - how many friends do you have and how many would you call close? What do you define as close? How many people do you phone on a regular basis and how many people do you manage to text regularly? How many people do you see in person regularly and do you seem them in groups or one on one? Are there people you're in touch with without fail or do most of your relationships ebb and flow a bit? As in you might go through phases of texting or phoning a lot then not speak to people for months? I'd love to have some idea of what's normal for someone not hindered by all these weird health things that I've been living with! Some of my friends have tried to get closer to me over the years and I haven't been able to reciprocate their efforts. I'm now wondering if I should try and do more if it becomes possible (no guarantee I'll be a candidate for the treatments or that they'll work) but not quite sure what's normal re more and what will make me look like an obsessed stalker! Now people have kids I'm also aware they have less time although I don't have kids myself. To sum up, what is a normal level of effort when it comes to close and less close friendships and what are normal outcomes from these levels of effort?! All insights welcome - I don't expect anyone to answer each and every question, just an overview would be really helpful!