I have been with my partner since we were both 16. We have two DC under 5. I’ve never had that ‘madly in love’ feeling for him to be honest - I think I’ve always had a codependency issue and things have worked well for us practically so I stayed.
Since our second DC was born, I’ve been feeling that i can’t see a future with my DP. We are so different and I am starting to have intense panicky feelings about the situation. I simply don’t love him anymore - there’s no abuse etc, which is why I feel so guilty about it all. I’m stuck in the headspace of thinking is it better to leave now while the DC are young and won’t remember? Or do I keep them in a stable family situation in a lovely quiet area and big house?
I grew up with parents who stayed together ‘for the kids’ but my brother and I were constantly witnessing arguments, bitterness and two parents who clearly had no love or even respect for each other. I don’t want my kids to end up in this same situation (although we rarely argue and get along well).
Another issue is that my partner shows no affection. No hugs, goodbye kisses or compliments. We have quite an active sex life but as soon as the sex is over, there’s no more physical touch until the next time. He works ALOT and barely sees the kids for 30 minutes each day. The kids don’t even react when he walks through the door. To be quite honest, I’m craving an intense romantic connection with someone, and want to feel loved and desired.
Im also worried I’ll lose the relationship with his family. Arguably I have a better relationship with his parents than he does. I communicate with them about the kids, holidays etc while he sits back and lets me do it all. I would be scared that they’d cut me off if we separated. I’ve effectively known them for half of my life and they’re like a second set of parents to me.
Another issue is finances. I’ve worked part time (3 days a week) since having DC. I come out with £1500 after tax monthly. My partner earns close to £100k so I don’t even know if I’d afford a mortgage on my own. We currently have a joint mortgage that I wouldn’t be able to afford on my own.
I also feel intense guilt at the thought of leaving my partner. He just wants a comfortable, easy life and I would feel terrible at derailing everything he has planned for the future.
So, what I’m trying to ask is: would I be a bad person for leaving this relationship, turning my kid’s and partner’s lives upside down just because I don’t love him anymore? Or do I stay put until they’re older, and give them a nice upbringing where money is not a second thought? Do I stay and try to build some savings up to myself and kids? I’m lost