Not had intimacy for nearly eight months. Has anyone else come through the other side?

[mallorys]

I’ve NC’d for this.

Dh and I haven’t had any form of intimacy for nearly eight months apart from one time about two weeks ago which was short and me doing stuff to DH, not both of us. I asked DH straight up today why as it’s really bothering me and he said that he has no drive. I said I need him to go to the doctor because it’s too long for me and he agreed but I’ll believe it when I see it. The last time we had proper intimacy, I was five months pregnant. It happened a total of two times during pregnancy (baby is 10 weeks old). Has anyone else been through similar and come through the other side? I’m emotionally a mess as we get on so we’ll and love each other a lot. But I feel like I’m climbing the walls at this point. Dh isn’t cheating as I’m home with DD and he WFH and we do everything together outside of that. We have three dc so I’m not going to be giving up on us as we’re really happy but just this one thing. Has anyone else managed to get through this and get back on track?

Sounds like it’s pregnancy related ? Maybe he felt weird about it when you were pregnant and right now with a 10 week old you’re probably both very tired. Was he like this when you were pregnant before ?

I asked him @notatinydancerand he said not at all. It had highs and lows before but maximum a month in between.

Errrm, you were pregnant, thats likely the reason. Some women do not want it and some men do not find pregnancy attractive either(it's totally normal) and evenetually when you are yourself again, you will see change(I fancied mine even more when she was pregnant).

My ex-wife only allowed full sex maybe 3 times in the 1st year of having a baby and I felt a way until i realised everyone is different.

if he said no, maybe it's to save your feelings. Just maybe so give it time til your body is being to itself again

No only I’m the problem not dh. We haven’t had a proper sex life in years. If we do something, it’s usually a quickie because i get pain (I’m conferring with doctors at the moment) and dh doesn’t like seeing me in pain.

Because I’ve gone so long ( I also think I might be asexual cos I honestly have no libido), dh’s sex drive has also gone right down to the point of not happening

You have a 10 week old baby and 2 other young dc. Some people just do not have a libido when they have so much new responsibilities and their energy is drained.

if a new mother did not want sex at this point and had no libido it would be seen as completely normal. The changes in the family, the additional responsibility and the exhaustion are aspects he will be feeling

100% i thought OP is childless and just free to have a good sex life lol

Its good that you are communicating.
I envy your energy with 3DC including s newborn!
He may be worried about the increased responsibility-a family of five is a lot to support.
Suggest you just cuddle a lot and keep the communication lines open so he doesn’t feel under pressure.

But dh says it’s nothing to do with pregnancy/new life/responsibilities. I’m the tired one as I do all of the night stuff. I’m just worried as time goes on if nothing changes and this becomes the norm.