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Original poster

Is my husband right?

24 replies

LightBluee · 03/09/2025 10:37

I posted yesterday about wanting to leave my husband. I’ve told him I’ll get a place to rent for me and the children and we will share the children. He’s kicked off and said that I’m not allowed to take the children because this is their home and it would be abduction. He said ‘try and get that past the courts’ and said in an ‘absoloutle pleb’ before walking off. This all happened while I’m laying on the bed with our two children napping on me.

Is be right? If so then I’m basically trapped in a marriage with a man I can’t stand and will have to endure it for 18 years so that I can keep my children.

OP posts:
Winteriscoming80 · 03/09/2025 10:39

He’s wrong,that’s me assuming you live in England of course and that you’re not leaving the country.

AncientHarpy · 03/09/2025 10:43

Of course he isn't right. Take proper legal advice.

MizzeryGuts · 03/09/2025 10:45

He is not correct.

It’s not surprising that he had a big reaction to the news that you’re leaving. Give him a chance to get used to the idea while you are searching for a new place to live, and tell him that when he is ready to talk reasonably about how child custody will work then you’d like to start having that conversation with him so that you can try to coparent amicably. Emphasise that you are leaving and he cannot prevent you from having 50% custody of your children, and figuring this out together is in the best interests of the kids.

I would give him some time to think about how he can manage his 50% of the childcare - for example he may need to reduce his hours to part time.

Remember that you will not be entitled to any child support on the assumption he wants his kids 50% of the time.

MMadness · 03/09/2025 11:06

And put everything in writing. Text. Email.

Original poster
LightBluee · 03/09/2025 14:05

Winteriscoming80 · 03/09/2025 10:39

He’s wrong,that’s me assuming you live in England of course and that you’re not leaving the country.

Yeah we live in Wales and I’d literally be moving around the corner. I think it was said out of desperation but it’s more confirmation that I’m making the right decision

OP posts:
Endofyear · 03/09/2025 14:18

This happened to a friend of mine - she told her husband she was leaving and had rented a place nearby. She went away for a week with the children and when she came back, he had got an emergency court order preventing her from taking the children from the family home. He made up all sorts of stuff about her being a terrible mother (she's not) and said he was the main carer for the children (he wasn't). He told her that unless she agreed to 50/50 care, he would take her to court for sole custody. She was so frightened of losing her children that she agreed to 50/50.

I would make sure that you see a solicitor and get good legal advice.

TomatoSandwiches · 03/09/2025 14:20

Of course he's wrong and stupid but lots of men are, keep on getting your ducks ready and pay him no mind.

ChaliceinWonderland · 03/09/2025 14:22

This happened to me, although I wasn't in UK.
Call womens aid now, they can help.

travailtotravel · 03/09/2025 14:24

Nearly always when someone asks is my husband right, you know they're not going to be. So long as you're not planning to leave the country, you can leave your husband and live elsewhere. You'll have to agree arrangements for him.to see them. If your children have passports, I'd take them with you or keep them safe until you do leave,just for peace of mind.

9ctbull · 03/09/2025 15:55

TomatoSandwiches · 03/09/2025 14:20

Of course he's wrong and stupid but lots of men are, keep on getting your ducks ready and pay him no mind.

and so are lots of women. Lets keep the misandry to a minium because you haven't met "lots" of the 4.14 billion male population.

That adds nothing to her issue

9ctbull · 03/09/2025 15:56

LightBluee · 03/09/2025 10:37

I posted yesterday about wanting to leave my husband. I’ve told him I’ll get a place to rent for me and the children and we will share the children. He’s kicked off and said that I’m not allowed to take the children because this is their home and it would be abduction. He said ‘try and get that past the courts’ and said in an ‘absoloutle pleb’ before walking off. This all happened while I’m laying on the bed with our two children napping on me.

Is be right? If so then I’m basically trapped in a marriage with a man I can’t stand and will have to endure it for 18 years so that I can keep my children.

If this is the children's primary home, he is right, you would have to sort shared custody rather than just getting up and taking them. I know two cases like these and you are best not taking legal advice from mumsnet before you make the situation not work in your favour.

To add, please do not stay unhappy with a man you are not happy with just because of kids, Figure outshared custory when you have a place sorted.

whistlesandbells · 03/09/2025 16:50

You need legal advice on this OP. These men are dangerous and vindictive. Everything in writing. Follow advice and be very careful there is no history of you have any mental health problems or things he can put before a court that could in any way mean he gets sole custody.

Boomer55 · 03/09/2025 16:54

9ctbull · 03/09/2025 15:56

If this is the children's primary home, he is right, you would have to sort shared custody rather than just getting up and taking them. I know two cases like these and you are best not taking legal advice from mumsnet before you make the situation not work in your favour.

To add, please do not stay unhappy with a man you are not happy with just because of kids, Figure outshared custory when you have a place sorted.

Show quote history

This. The OP needs to get legal advice. Either parent can prevent removal of shared children.

Typicalwave · 03/09/2025 16:56

He couldn’t be more wrong.

Shadesofscarlett · 03/09/2025 16:56

why are you leaving the home and not him? you need to lawyer up and tell him nothing until you have proper advice. And a call to Woman's aid too I expect.

Typicalwave · 03/09/2025 16:58

9ctbull · 03/09/2025 15:56

If this is the children's primary home, he is right, you would have to sort shared custody rather than just getting up and taking them. I know two cases like these and you are best not taking legal advice from mumsnet before you make the situation not work in your favour.

To add, please do not stay unhappy with a man you are not happy with just because of kids, Figure outshared custory when you have a place sorted.

Show quote history

The OP said nothing about taking the kids and him not seeing them.

OP, are you the primary care giver? Does he work full time?

If yes, then all you will be doing if you leave with them is continuing the status quo.

9ctbull · 03/09/2025 17:39

Typicalwave · 03/09/2025 16:58

The OP said nothing about taking the kids and him not seeing them.

OP, are you the primary care giver? Does he work full time?

If yes, then all you will be doing if you leave with them is continuing the status quo.

Show quote history

I think i misread that she said "we will share the children" after she said "I’ve told him I’ll get a place to rent for me and the children"

9ctbull · 03/09/2025 17:40

Boomer55 · 03/09/2025 16:54

This. The OP needs to get legal advice. Either parent can prevent removal of shared children.

Show quote history

spot on

Original poster
LightBluee · 03/09/2025 19:36

Shadesofscarlett · 03/09/2025 16:56

why are you leaving the home and not him? you need to lawyer up and tell him nothing until you have proper advice. And a call to Woman's aid too I expect.

I’m leaving because I can’t afford the house. I’m technically on maternity leave and just working my KIT days, and one months mortgage payment would be 3 months of my salary so it’s not an option for me to stay. He’s said he’s not going to support me in any way so I need something I can sustain myself, our current house is not sustainable for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
LightBluee · 03/09/2025 19:39

Typicalwave · 03/09/2025 16:58

The OP said nothing about taking the kids and him not seeing them.

OP, are you the primary care giver? Does he work full time?

If yes, then all you will be doing if you leave with them is continuing the status quo.

Show quote history

Yes I’m the primary care giver and I’m on maternity leave. He’s his own boss, his contract say he works full time but at the moment he’s only going in once a week, and this is because he knows I want to separate so he seems to think that being around me constantly is the answer.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/09/2025 19:41

I would seek legal advice re all aspects of divorce asap along with formalising all contact arrangements re the children.

It may be that you could remain in the marital home but again legal advice needs to be sought.

Shadesofscarlett · 03/09/2025 20:47

LightBluee · 03/09/2025 19:36

I’m leaving because I can’t afford the house. I’m technically on maternity leave and just working my KIT days, and one months mortgage payment would be 3 months of my salary so it’s not an option for me to stay. He’s said he’s not going to support me in any way so I need something I can sustain myself, our current house is not sustainable for me.

Show quote history

he can say what he likes but he will have to pay child support and a divorce settlement will probably help you house yourself etc?

do not leave the house and let him keep everything.

BB333 · 07/09/2025 18:25

I’m exactly the same situation. I can’t stand my partner. I can honestly say I loathe him. Absolutely stuck financially though. So figured I’d just save up until our DD turns 18, hopefully goes to uni, then I’m off…….. only 16 years to go.

Original poster
LightBluee · 07/09/2025 21:42

BB333 · 07/09/2025 18:25

I’m exactly the same situation. I can’t stand my partner. I can honestly say I loathe him. Absolutely stuck financially though. So figured I’d just save up until our DD turns 18, hopefully goes to uni, then I’m off…….. only 16 years to go.

You can’t waste 16 years of your life!!
Ive been looking and can definitely get benefits like universal credit and child benefit. Please look in to it xxx

OP posts:
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