Boyfriend being critical and parents badmouthing me

[Lunalara]

Hey all,
I am sorry for making people upset. I have had an absolutely terrible night. My boyfriend gave me an ultimatum because I haven’t been working on my mental health, and I have been trying so hard. He says that his parents keep talking badly about me, and that nobody likes me because I am always gloomy. I completely understand that it’s not easy having a partner with depression and autism, but he keeps saying that he cannot support me and that my struggles are putting a strain on the relationship. I miss all the good times we have had and when we completely understood each other. I urgently need advice and support, because I have a feeling that my entire life is about to crumble. Any progress that I have made will be gone, because I will be forced to return home to my abusive and depressed mum. I cannot live in the South East and pay private rent on a Teaching Assistant wage. I genuinely don’t know what I will do if this relationship ends.

He doesn’t sound like a nice supportive partner op. Do what you need to do to survive, but I think you’d get universal credit to help you rent a room if you’re on a TA salary. You migbt feel better when you’re not with that partner and you might be better matched to a neurodiverse man as you’ll ‘get’ each other more.
out of interest what is your bf expecting you to do? You might do things like go out on more walks and eat healthier and go to therapy, but if he makes it clear you’re on the brink of being dumped you’re not going to be relaxed and great company.
my ex did this for me and did follow through when I was very pregnant with his child. Tells me I am in victim mode if I point out he’s treated me badly.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum My partner is supposedly autistic as well, yet he seems so much more resilient to life’s problems. He normally talks about how he sees a future with me, yet occasionally when I struggle, he will tell me that he has considered dumping me. I genuinely feel as though I am mostly healing, yet yesterday set me back and now he thinks that I desperately need therapy.

Universal credit isn’t an option for me as I have some money stored from my PGCE that I ended up failing. I am saving money from that for a house deposit as I am in my late 20s.

I have seen quite a few posts recently of guys acting terribly when their wife is pregnant. I don’t know how any guys can let the themselves do that. I am so so sorry for what you went through.

Use your savings to get yourself out of this relationship. Look up rooms to rent on Spareroom, try to find a place with friendly people who would be fun to live with.

Yes I agree with @ClickClickety

Your bf is a nasty piece of work who is actively trying to undermine you.
Your mental health will improve vastly once you are away from his negative and unsupportive behaviour.

I also agree with the posters saying that this man isn’t good for you. He is undermining you and putting you in a state of anxiety by threatening to break up. These are not the actions of someone who truly loves you.

As hard as it may seem, you need to leave him and start planning the practicalities of this. Whether that is living in a shared house or moving to a cheaper area. Definitely not moving back in with an abusive parent. Your future self will thank you for walking away, give yourself the opportunity for happiness. This sort of behaviour erodes confidence and self esteem with time, so it gets harder to leave.

I am really scared of moving into a house share. I know that I will probably have to do it at some point, but I have been burned by shared accommodations with strangers before. I don’t think I would feel safe doing it with strangers after all my experiences. That, and the cheapest one would probably be 60% of my salary because of where I live.

There's an expression about if you think you're depressed, check first that you're not surrounded by jerks. (I'm an autistic who spent many years suffering from recurrent depression so I don't say this lightly.) For a start the way your boyfriend is treating you right now is not helping your mental health.

I'd try to find to find a room as a lodger in someone's house, as it tends to be more about company in the evening and using up a spare room than making money (I live near a student town and know of a number of people who've either taken young professionals/mature students in as lodgers for a while or have themselves been lodgers and it seemed to work really well for everyone involved). You might want to mention you're looking to become a lodger at work, in case people might consider letting you stay with them or know someone else who might. I'd have thought you'd be a good candidate since you've a good, respectable job and you're trying to save for a deposit.

I think lodging is a good suggestion. You certainly aren’t safe emotionally living with your boyfriend.