To snoop or not?

[MyCheekyRoseFinch]

Some months ago I found a secret phone hidden in my husbands car. The phone showed me messages to escorts. Had months of hell and wondering what to do until I realised he is a full blown manipulator and has warped my mind over the years to put up with lots of things. Anyway, he is due to leave the house in the next few weeks but has been asking to stay/make changes etc.
i noticed today that ‘the’ phone isn’t in its usual place. It seems to travel with his car. I have a gut feeling it’s something dodgy. I can see it here somewhere on find my I phone but when I looked in his car it wasn’t there. Dodgy to hide it imo. So basically, he is in bed ant I’m wondering whether to sneak into his car and play a sound. I know it’s a bit stupid but for some reason I want to know. Only risk is that it it’s inside it will alert him and he will go mad I’m snooping.
What to do?

Why have you stayed with him for months since finding out he’s been whoring?

I hadn’t realised the years of manipulation/gaslighting they had knocked my self confidence over the tv years until I went to a therapist. I would always be one to say ‘leave immediately’, but sometimes when you are in it with kids, home etc involved it’s hard to see the reality. He is very genuine in his remorse which makes it hard. I know this is my error for staying but it’s a very long relationship so I wanted to try to fix it, I now know I can’t do that,

You already have all the information you need.

Don't do anything to let him know you know.

I’m going to sneak out now. If the alarm goes off in the house I’m busted 😂

You don't need to find the phone OP. You already know you need to leave. If he was remorseful he wouldn't have a second or secret phone or even guard his own phone. It is over, for your own sake it needs to be so.

Why are you looking for the phone instead of dumping him? Why is the phone your focus instead of getting him out of the house? Like what are you trying to find out?

Did you find it?

I did and it had a recent search in maps called mommy massage. Not sure why I looked really, for confirmation or something. He is leaving this week anyway so it was a bit pointless.

Have a look at doing the freedom project. You need to stop thinking his remorse is genuine - it’s not. You don’t want to end up in the same position with another partner in future either. Nice men don’t behave like this and wanting to find his phone shows you still care about things in some way which you really need to learn not to.

Thank you. No I haven’t done that but will look into it. To be honest I’ve been pretty strong after some work on myself and haven’t been bothered to look at anything but had a bit of a wobble yesterday for some reason: I won’t be looking again for sure.

He probably does feel sorry, which projects as remorse. But he’s feeling sorry for himself, not you OP.