Hi all. Im really stuck with my relationship and wondered if I could please get some advice. Essentially had been dating my partner for 2 years before we got married last year. We lived in cities an hour apart from each other so when we got married we wanted to close the gap and originally I was going to move to his city. However my job is very limited and I ended up getting a job in my hometown the month after we got married and so fast forward a few months we bought a house in this hometown. He lived in the house for half a week for 10 weeks before packing the relationship in.
He was meant to commute to his workplace from our home but it was a long commute for him and an extra 30 mins to what he is used to and expensive which is why he couldn't cope with it and he had a hybrid/WFH job do had to be in the office 3x a week. To mitigate against this he spent 4 days of the week with me and 3 days at his parents. He got depressed during this period and after 10 weeks told me he wanted a divorce.
We never lived together before marriage for cultural reasons but the 10 weeks we loved together were hell. It was stressful moving into a new home, he didnt let me sleep at night knowing I had 14 hour shifts to do in the morning. He earned 4x my salary yet insisted on a 50 50 split of bills and mortgage and when we went foodnshopping hed not put money in the joint account or demand i pay for things or pit half the bill amount in and ask me to put my half in then.
There was a lot of verbal abuse which progressed to hom going through my phone and all my whatsapp and email messages. He would deliberately get me angry nd then film my reaction and call me crazy. He kicked me out of the marital bed on 4 different occasions because he paid for the bed not me.
Im not perfect either. I screamed and lost my rag with him because I couldn't cope with him not settling into the house and felt guilty fkr asking him to take on a massive commute. Alongside this I got put off from the plan of moving to london because over the last year I saw a controlling side to his mother who was very opinionated which I didnt like.
In april he asked me for a divorce and didnt talk to me all may. I saw him end of may which prompted him to tell me he loved me and so in June he came back home. The first week was fine but second week he kept kicking me out the house and not letting me stay there. Then he went away again. Returned in July and begged fkr me back and then tried to intrude on family events he wasnt invited to and tormented me over it. Disappeared for most of August. Then came back for one day but got angry at me for leaving him in the house all day whole I went shopping and to the gym and he doesn't drive and the house is in a secluded estate so he didnt do mu h all day but when i got home he threw his dinner id made on the floor and stormed out the house. Hes also thrown objects around the house on one other occasion and then most recently got angry at me for making him go round in circles are tore the blinds in the house down.
Im so stuck. I hate what he has become with aggression and how he tells me he doesn't want to live in our marital home and shar finances qirh me. But without him I feel totally lost. This man was someone who I committed my whole life too and I wanted children with him and to live happily and im terrified thet my life as I knkw it is falling apart. I really dknt knkw what to do because I cannot cope with the deep heartbreak and grief I feel. Every day feels like it is a struggle. Life had lost its meaning. This was my first relationship and im worried thst at 35 ill be ledt childless and on my own forever. From an outsiders perspective is there anything I cam do to repair things and make things go bsck to normal as when he is good he is amazing and I dont want to go through life on my own without the good version of him. I still love him so much despite everything thst has happened and csnt imagine ill ever love anyone else the way I loved him tbh or anyone will love me like this.