Forgiving the past

[Quiethelper]

Hi hoping for advice, I have changed my user name.

Been with DH 25 years. Up until probably 8 years ago he wasn’t great. Lots has come to light and not an excuse but I was very young and inexperienced when I met him and he was 6 years older.

he went out drinking chatting (?cheating) always angry, scared me a lot a rubbish father to the eldest in particular. Like really horrible and I should have left.

rubbish round the house always putting himself first. I didn’t go out in fear of leaving the kids with him. Not one night out.

he’s had a breakdown a few years ago a really horrible time obviously but now he’s great in many ways the man I always wanted

but I feel like I have ptsd and I can’t let go of what he put me through and I am so cross with myself for not seeing it back then how wrong it was.

now if I leave I think I’ll be leaving a good man but all think anger isn’t fair on him. I’m different now I’ve changed into someone else - I’ve had counselling and it didn’t particularly help. I know it’s a confusing post but if anyone is able to decipher and has a similar situation please can you tell me how you handled it? Thanks

It's not always possible to forgive and forget. What do you want out of the next phase of your life and is it likely to be possible with him?

Thanks I just don’t know, im older and wiser now and I am so angry about it, all the walking on eggshells all the shouting at the kids spending our money on nights out every weekend when I never had a night out because he scared me and the kids . Im
just so cross

You know what he's capable of, so you can't trust the future.

Why not take your chances on being alone? and/or finding someone more naturally kind?

Life is short OP, and I doubt his "nice phase" will last for ever.

Thank you x

The other thing to bear in mind, OP, is that he's not the only one who gets to grow and change. You are perfectly entitled to feel differently now than you did 10 years ago.