Trigger warning child abuse. I found out someone I was in a relationship with abused someone I know as a child.

[BluebellsarBells]

I feel sick, we broke up over a year ago because he was neglectful and abusive.
ive only just found out he sexually abused someone I know, have been friends with, care about, we grew up together.
They were both kids at the time, I don’t know exact ages but him maybe 9.10, 11, victim is 4 years younger.
People close to me knew this when we got together but didn’t tell me, I feel like I should have been told and I would have walked away, especially because I know the girl.
I know I’m not the victim but I feel betrayed and also complicit now for being with him.
If you were just starting seeing someone would you want to know if they had abused your friend even if they were a child themself at the time?
sorry this is rambled, I’m unsure who to be angry at, and can’t talk to anyone in real life because I need to protect the girl, I can’t tell my best friends who know her.

Yes I would have wanted to be told as well OP , your feelings of hurt and outrage that everyone knew and no one told you are understandable....

All you can do is give them the benefit of the doubt, that they were well meaning and just not sure whether it was their place or not ....it sounds like your abuser himself was very young at 9 years old when this alleged child abuse took place (not saying that is an excuse)

The good side of this to reflect on is that even without knowing his past, your instincts were working well and telling you to get away from him - know you can know for 200 pc sure that you did the right thing in breaking it off, as it sounds like he continues to be a dark personality /soul.

Take care OP ....time to move on .....

Unfortunately it's a very common thing, probably more than you realise and 9/10 times you won't even know this has occurred during childhood years with most cases. Some are silly mistakes some aren't, I worked in that sector before I had my own family and it's not the easiest to work in as there still children but have done very bad things and you still have your victims aswell

OP, you are indeed not the victim, but you are a victim.
Meaning, of course the person who was abused as a child was dealt a horrible hand. But that doesn't mean that your feelings should be shoved aside.
You are entitled to your feelings and they are justified. I would be equally horrified to learn that I shared my life with someone who has committed abuse, sexual or otherwise, and certainly onto a child.

Now, most children - as your ex was at the time of the abuse - are certainly unaware of the impact of their actions and the lifelong consequences. They lack the maturity and mental capacity to make good long-term decisions and while they know it was wrong, they didn't know how wrong. Also, with most children who commit these acts, that would lead us to suspect they themselves have been victims of some kind of abuse, because most children don't end up behaving this way on their own.

That in no way lessens the impact on their victims and also doesn't mean you should blindly trust this person as an adult. I would be incredibly concerned for any children they were ever around.

As for you. You are not guilty by association. You didn't know, you didn't approve, you didn't tolerate what he did. You are in no way responsible for what he did, nor for how the victim feels about him or the abuse years later.
You do not have to make up for what he did. You do not have to carry any consequences or make anything right. You don't have to protect anyone and you don't have to carry any burdens in silence.

Thanks all, I feel better just writing it out.
i can’t tell even my best friends because they know the person and I feel I need to protect her above anything else, I care more about her than I feel animosity towards him, or my feelings.

I would rather have known at the beginning but now is the next best time, and it just proves I was right to leave, he’s a messed up person.
I wonder if we would have possibly had kids they would have told me.
there are a couple of things we spoke about that make me feel sick now, but I didn’t know, and yes I do see myself as a victim of his in a way.

I don’t think he’s a danger to children now and maybe he was a victim himself. He never told me he was but I know from experience child victims take a lot and a long time to come forward.

I think I just needed to tell someone/ get it out.
thank you. I need to move on, it’s not my fault and I’ll always do the right thing and protect her above everything.