Just had a weird flashback/memory thing - help!

[sendismylife]

DS2 is 15. When he was 8 weeks old, he had RSV bronchiolitis and was in hospital for a week. It was a really worrying time, he was on oxygen and ended up with a feeding tube. DS1 was 11 months at the time and then undiagnosed autistic. DH was very unhappy about DS2 being in hospital and would come in and accuse me of not caring about DS1 or him, only wanting attention and saying that I had Munchausens by Proxy and if I was diagnosed, he would make sure I never saw the boys again.

Shortly after the worst of these DH diatribes, the doctor told me that DS2 was getting weaker, so they needed to put in a feeding tube so that he didn’t need to use up energy feeding, or there was a danger that breathing might become too much effort and DS2 might stop breathing altogether. As you can imagine, I was in pieces.

What’s weird is that this evening, when unloading the dishwasher, I felt like I was back there, seeing it all so vividly and feeling all of the fear again. Is that a flashback? Something weird?

fwiw, no DH has not got any better and I am hoping to leave when DS2 finishes school. I am just confused and trying to work out what is happening to make me react like that this evening. Should I be worried?

I don’t know what to suggest but didn’t want to read and run.
have you had any therapy or such to work through your experience and process it?

WTF have I just read. He's a monster. Can't imagine why you've stayed with him a second longer after that episode.

Seeing a counsellor but had forgotten this until this evening

Fear really. He was threatening to use the force of his sister’s legal firm to take the boys off me if I left.

Yes that’s a flashback of a trauma memory

a good counsellor / therapist should be able to help you process your memories so you don’t experience intrusive flashbacks

Possibly a noise or smell reminded you? Or something someone said to you that day?
My son also had bronchiolitis and various episodes after and I sometimes remember suddenly when an ambulance is stopped in our street.

My bastard abusive ex did things like this

One day dd 4 months old suddenly had blood in. Her mouth
I rang Gp to get an appointment
He went berserk while I was on the phone
Said I was lying

Leave op

Why do this to yourself

Boys are now 17 and 15, both ASd, but DS2 was described by Community Paediatrician as twice exceptional. Mainstream secondary led very quickly to breakdown, self harm etc so we had to put him into the small independent (2/3 EHCP students) attended by his brother via EHCP. He is about to start year 11 so only one more year to fund. FWIW, we are struggling with the fees but prefer an alive child in a school where he is thriving. That is why I can’t go until he is finished.

Could it be the counseling has 'shaken' that memory loose ? You must still be carrying some trauma memories and 15 years later it seems DH hasn't changed.
But glad to hear your son is well. I hope the oldest boy is coping with life too.

Oldest is now doing an apprenticeship and doing well. Youngest has done one academic GCSE a year early in 3 months and got a 9.

Last counselling session I couldn’t feel any emotion so this evening has shaken me up a bit.

Sorry, posted before I read your follow up.
I wish the boys and you well.

I'm certainly not expert.

I think you have experienced a very traumatic time. Our minds will sometimes completely block out what it can't handle.
This especially when you had no support from your husband, him making the situation all about him. Compounded by the threat of removing your boys with back-up from his solicitor sister.

During times of extreme stress the brain will preserve itself and your body the best way it can.

It sounds like it did an amazing job as you sound strong and extremely aware.
It could be the fact that your youngest is starting his last year of school, after which you have planned to separate
Your mind may be subconsciously remembering to prepare you that you do indeed need to leave.

Much love and strength to you and your boys.
You sound mighty x

Thank you MyCats for that way of looking at it!

I'm going to sound like a total armchair diagnoser here, so apologies!

It does sound like a flashback.

I have PTSD and I get a lot of flashbacks like this. I have also had therapy for it though, and what the therapist told me was that if you're still living in a warzone, the trauma is still happening.

So if you've not left your husband, and he's still making these quips and remarks to you and giving you death by a thousand papercuts, and constantly criticising you and judging you, you never stopped being in that place from 15 years ago. The trauma is still happening. How can you move on from something that's still happening?

Honestly, once you leave that situation, in most cases the memories don't get less painful but the flashbacks can stop.

@sendismylife Ugh, I'm so, so sorry. He is the worst kind of monster.

I had flashbacks from my childhood when I was in my 50s which I believe are due to unprocessed trauma and emotion. They started very suddenly with no trigger and occurred at random times. I gave a lot of thought to each and processed the emotions they raised. I knew my childhood had affected me but not the true extent until the flashbacks began. They eventually stopped. Looking back, I think they helped me - I'm more at peace now. I hope this will be true of you too.

I am just so tired - type 2 diabetes the dr believes is stress induced, shoulder injuries from protecting DS2 from DS1 that won’t heal, arthritis in neck affecting wrists, hands and elbows. Feel like I need a break from physical and emotional pain!

I had a lot of trauma resurfacing through flashbacks as it became clear I needed to leave my husband.

My first priority has always been my children, as it is clear that yours is, but it is a burden

Also, it's a rabbit hole you probably don't want to go down until you feel safe, but learning about how our brains protect us is amazing, if almost confusing

I think you've had to shelve the trauma to get on with life, but your subconscious has set a little alarm-bell reminder that there is something you haven't yet done for yourself. The time is gradually approaching where you can take action at last.

Good luck OP 💗

Yep. She has been off her feet thus never got time to take stock of what happened, or what is happening. Hopefully you now can OP.

I too thought that the counselling must have loosened your memory - the trauma of it all.
I do hope you get out at the earliest possible opportunity. Aren’t your boys so lucky to have a Mum like you @sendismylife💐