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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New boyfriend spinning fantasy lies - how to protect my gullible daughter?

8 replies

Protector · 01/09/2025 19:40

My daughter (late 20s) has cognitive disabilities but got a college degree and is outgoing, happy - and gullible. Several times we've had to step in when men were taking advantage her financially, emotionally etc. to help her keep out of trouble. She isn't able to recognize when guys are lying to her, getting her to spend her salary on their food etc.

She has a new boyfriend who is quirky, like her. They have a great time together, but within just a few months, he's already essentially moved into her apartment in a student complex. She denies it but is so desperate to have a boyfriend, just goes along with it. He has cognitive disabilities too so they giggle like teens.

We just met him for the first time. He spun story after story e.g. how this filmmaker emailed him to offer our daughter a part in his next film, how he's arranging to send her on an all expense paid trip to the east coast, how he just happened to own a horse that she loved at nearby stables. Whatever we said he interrupted to say he'd already done that, owned one of those etc. He's in his mid-30s, no college, a series of low paid jobs, said he lives at home and now works a minimum pay job. I've quietly told her to ask to see these "emails" because his lies don't make sense. He got her to sync her phone so that he has access to all her texts and emails - under the guise of her being able to look at his work schedule. He seems to tell her what to wear and told her to get out of her car because he hadn't opened the door for her. She complied.

Am I wrong to think that this screams Red Flags! His overly talkative manner seems creepy and controlling.

Advice? Do I intervene with this guy, tell him he's been caught out and stay away? They work together and she doesn't want to see what a common sense observer would see. He's clever in that he gets her to talk about experiences and then picks up on the details, and then says he knew the organizer, or could get her a free trip there, etc. A clever manipulator? A harmless attempt to feel wanted? A dangerous psycho? What to do?
Signed, Protector

OP posts:
DeeKitch · 01/09/2025 19:46

He sounds controlling- you’re right to be worried

Do they have a supervisor you could chat to?

ProfessorRizz · 01/09/2025 19:46

Is there a trusted adult that she really admires, who might say something like, ‘I’m not convinced that he’s your kind of person’? She might be having some doubts, and a gentle approach could really feed into this.

Mjayy101 · 01/09/2025 19:51

I’m so sorry OP I wish I could wave a magic wand and help your DD get away from this compulsive liar, he does sound manic, do you know anything about him? His family? Also, can I ask where you are? I’m in the UK, Scotland and over here we can report this type of scenario to local social work who would then investigate, with being young and having a diagnoses she would be classed as a vulnerable protected persons, this would give her legal rights and protection … it’s hard when I don’t know where youse are from but I’m praying there is local help & support 🙏🏼 you can also reach out to charities .. again depending where you are…

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/09/2025 20:16

A book called block delete move on by lalalaletmeexplain is good and very simple easy read ing I think you should get it for her

Protector · 02/09/2025 00:59

Thanks, good idea. She doesn't have many close friends but I think her older brother might be able ro step in. I'm too close- thanks

OP posts:
Protector · 02/09/2025 01:00

Thanks, good idea. She doesn't have many close friends but I think her older brother might be able ro step in. I'm too close- thanks

Thanks for book suggestion. Im in thr states but will try and find it.

OP posts:
Suednymph · 02/09/2025 09:42

Have any of the things he promised come to fruition at all? I will assume not. If he is in a low paid job how can he have all the things he says he has? A horse for example would cost a fair whack.

Protector · 02/09/2025 15:34

No, they haven't. I tracked down the history of the horse he claimed to have owned. I have photos of its true owner to show my daughter when I can get her alone. Its scary to see the control these types of personalities can have in a short time. He's basically spending most nights at the apartment and eating her food (both of which I'm paying for) They both work at the same tourism spot; she got fired (I think for being with him rather than working) Jobs are hard to find here and if she gets the job back, she'll spend working hours under his spell again. It spirals out of control so quickly. His cheeky, happy talkative exterior covers up a much darker agenda.

OP posts:
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