Husband's new female friend

[Kate231]

I've been married to my DH for 10 years (I'm 45) he's 35. Recently he has made a new female friend through a mutual hobby of theirs via Instagram. Turns out they were both local to each other and so bumped into each other a few times. She is also married but much younger than me (32). She's also incredibly attractive, fun, all the things I wish I was basically and I can't see how my DH isn't attracted to her. I know they text fairly regularly and we've all met up as 4 together (as in her DH too) and done BBQ's, dinners, outings to London etc. We've all actually become quite close in the space of 3 months and she also has my number and we are in contact quite regularly. However, I just can't shake this feeling that my DH fancies the pants of her and they are somehow having a secret affair, although no idea how they would be.

Am I going crazy?

Sounds like your own insecurities really that one especially given you are all aware and have met up. Would be a bit odd to do that I think.

The gut is rarely wrong.

That depends, has his behaviour changed over the last three months, does he have mentionitis? How is your relationship in general?

Your gut feeling is rarely wrong. Unless shes very much in love with her husband, then I would be concerned.

Normally your gut feeling is telling you what’s going on

Affairs involve mutual attraction, though. Bluntly, is your DH likely to appeal to an ‘incredibly attractive, fun’ married woman, just because they share a hobby?

I doubt he would have got all 4 of you together if they were. You’ll be able to tell if something was going on with their body language, and way they interacted if there was.

if you’re relationship is healthy, than you’re probably overthinking things and worrying about nothing.

I doubt he would have got all 4 of you together if they were

Hiding in plain sight is a thing.

The gut is oftem wrong and that’s because jealousy and insecurity is a thing, a real thing that leads people to conclusions like the op is thinking with no evidence purely as this is a younger attractive woman. There is nothing to say she wants to cheat on her husband or the ops husband cheat on her. Nothing, do roaring in and shouting yes, yes he wants to cheat on you is cruel.i get it’s good entertainment, but it is cruel.

As is being faithful to your partner and making couple friends.

Of course.

I was just pointing out that him introducing OP to this woman doesnt mean to say there is nothing goung on.
I'm afraid I believe if OP has a gut feeling about this woman then she should listen to what the vibes are telling her.

On the face of it, it sounds like your own insecurities at play here. Has his behaviour towards you changed? Has he started paying more attention to his own grooming, buying new clothes, going to the gym more etc?

If he liked younger women, he would have married a younger woman, wouldn't he? But he didn't, he married you and he has chosen to be with you. The thoughts you have are in your mind only. Don't you trust your husband? This is the main concern for me. Because if you think he is capable of cheating that easily, he could choose any woman in the world and it wouldn't matter if she is young, hot, slim or whatever. What matters is, why do you start doubting him the moment he meets a new female friend?

Trust your feelings. It's quite common, for people in a secret relationship, to sometimes bring their spouses along to meetings, in order to hide the relationship. This way they get a "real" reason to be in touch. And if, for example, they call each other and your spouse hears about it, you are all family acquaintances....

You yourself know your husband best. If you suspect, that your husband is in love with the woman in question, then he probably is. Has your husband had other female friends and you therefore do not sense anything shady about them?

I would start the same hobby as your husband and this woman. That way, your husband and this woman cannot so easily agree on secret meetings. I would also recommend checking your husband's cell phone every now and then (once a week). This way you would know right away, if they are doing something forbidden.

Has your husband's behavior changed in any way? Has he become irritable, cold, very affectionate, has he started to pay attention to his appearance, has sex increased / decreased?Everything can change, if your spouse starts an illicit relationship.

Talk to your husband. Ask him to reduce his visits to this woman. Ask him, that you both reduce your visits to this couple anyway. Tell him, that you don't want to have anything to do with them. I hope your husband understands you and you gradually stop seeing this couple.

Of course it is

Edited - sorry, posted on the wrong thread.

However, I just can't shake this feeling that my DH fancies the pants of her and they are somehow having a secret affair, although no idea how they would be.

The most likely situation is that your husband fancies her to some extent and they are not having an affair.

Any updates @Kate231 ?

Has he actually done anything to make you think he fancies her? Or is this just based on your view of her?

oh - just seen this is an old thread!

'just because they share a hobby?' Perhaps even if they didn't.