Did I not hear him or did he make it up

[gaslitorlosingit]

Name change for this one.

I live with partner for over 12 years.

He had a few drinks yesterday, I was sat watching the TV but could hear him with the dog next to me. He has been a bit depressed lately. Next thing, he said he had said something to me and I had completely ignored him.

This is not the first time this has happened, but I literally did not hear him say anything. I believe in the past there has been gaslighting and I am wondering if he hasn't said anything but is gaslighting. Or did I zone out and not hear him. But I could swear he hadn't said anything. This is like the 3rd/4th time this has happened.

Has anyone ever had anything like this.

Please be kind, I know I need to leave him because of other things and I'm working on it, but is this something that they do?

Was he actually just thinking something or talking to himself, after a few drinks he may not know that he didn't actually say it aloud.

And have you had a hearing test, perhaps you don't hear as well as you think you do, particularly if you had the tv on, discriminating with background noise gets more difficult if your hearing isn't quite perfect.

I wouldn't worry about that, just leave him if you need to

If he was talking to the dog, is it possible he spoke to you without changing tone of voice/volume and it wasn’t noticeable?

It’s so easy to be distracted and not realise someone’s spoken to you; I have auditory processing disorder and often fail to realise I’m being addressed if there’s background noise, especially if I’m focused on something else. It shouldn’t be an issue though, most people accept a quick apology and repeat themselves without making a fuss.

Saying you’d ignored him is a bit much, but depression can make people a little more sensitive than usual. What was his reaction when you said you hadn’t heard him?

Does it matter whether or not he did say something - what matters is that if he DID say something, and you didn't hear, he's accusing you of ignoring him when you just didn't hear which seems a ridiculous over reaction when the answer is simply - "if I dont' seem to hear you, please just say my name or whatever so I can notice you". And if he didn't say anything and is accusing you of ignoring him, he's a nasty manipulative shit.

Either way, he's being a complete dick about the whole thing.

Well it’s impossible to know. People zone out
and don’t hear things/hear something different and equally people say things
and forget what they’ve said 10 sec later and or remember it differently. DH and I do all these things.

his reaction was to tell me theres nothing between us anymore and that we don't do anything together - to be fair that is true because he drinks every day, I got upset and he tried to back track and then it was forgotten about

i know i have to leave him but it's complicated, not sure if I could afford it, i don't qualify for any help due to my salary and he won't leave anyway - he is a different man when he has a drink and i'm not sure if im living with jekyl or hyde

If he’s genuine, just say to him ‘I must be zoned out, say my name and get my attention before you tell me something if I’m watching something on tv or my phone’
if he continues to make a big deal out of it then he’s a weirdo.
id also be tempted to get cctv on Amazon ring in my living room

Oh just seen your update op, make a plan to leave him!