Partner said he had a confession he's obsessed with someone

[Whyjustwhy83]

My partner has been very disconnected recently, I'll be talking to him and he doesn't respond, or on his phone all the time. Definitely not up to anything on his phone though he's watching videos and things.
I've recently found out I'm pregnant we're still deciding what to do although I know he wants another, I've found 2 children differcult and had a hard pregnancy last time, still don't feel right 2 yrs later, not sure I can manage 3.
Yesterday I sent him out with our son so I could get some things sorted in the house, he went to the pub and came back in a good mood. When we got DC to bed he said he had to confess what was wrong. He said I'm obsessed with Toni, she's all I can think about but he loves me he says. I ask who is, he say's she someone from years ago I ask if it's the girl from school he say's no( he's 38 now and they never dated he had told me previously)
I keep asking and he was just talking nonsense and told me he was leaving
He expected me to help him and as I had no sympathy, he was going to pack and go to his mams. He then told me he needed to whisper her name to me , I couldn't hear him but it turned out it was the girl from school, someone he claims not to have seen since 16 maybe. He works from home, goes nowhere and I borrow his phone all the time, I don't think he's cheating but wtf I'm supposed to do now.
I'm phoning dr's today as I don't think he's well but after that I just don't know. Sorry for such a long post.

As a start I'd be my making the decision about whether to continue with this pregnancy on my own.

I'll be going for a scan to date the pregnancy today and I've got an appointment on Friday with bpas.

He may have limerence, I know it’s poo pooed on here but I’ve experienced it and it can be obsessive. It only really happened to me at a time I was unhappy in my marriage and was finding family life overwhelming. However I do love my husband and would never ever have put this on him.

Let him go to his mums and leave him to it. I would also go with what you want in terms of the pregnancy because tbh no woman should hear that from her husband. He’s behaving horribly and expecting you to be understanding.

I’m really sorry OP, this is really hurtful.

Very weird. Did he seem in his right mind?

Possibly User37482 I'm just so thrown by this I feel broken. He said she was the love of his life when we first got together. Thing's have been stressful we have no support from anyone on my side. He picked an awful time to hit me with this and having no support I don't think I can do it alone.

Not at all right and he's acting like it was nothing this morning.

I agree you're best letting him go to his mams, at least to give you some space to process this and to put your needs and the needs of the kids first.

I agree that saying he needs to whisper her name to you etc sounds very odd and possibly his mental health isn't great and he's fixating on past times when he had no responsibility but he's still an adult and needs to be accountable for himself especially when he's got kids to parent. I'd recommend he phones the gp I actually wouldn't be doing it for him. He doesn't get to treat you badly and still have you acting like his mother. He needs a reality check so let him go off. I'd raise your concerns with his mum so she knows what to expect with him and so she's not accidentally feeding into some nonsense he tells her. If my son ever came home to me in this situation I'd want to know so I could hold him to account and back my dil.

Have you looked at bank statements etc to check he's not paying for a second phone etc?

Do you feel safe around him?

Men having affairs - whether in their head/emotional or physical act like they have lost their marbles/turned into someone else unfortunately. Nothing about being ill! Just arseholes

You’re going to phone his doctor in case he isn’t well? I’m sorry I don’t understand that part. He’s an adult. He needs to do that for himself.
He’s been weak and selfish 2- fold. Firstly, the obvious and then dumping it all on you. And at a time like this ffs.

Oh god OP, saying she was the love of his life after meeting you was probably a huge red flag. It sounds like he's always been obsessed with her and you were just a distraction that's no longer working. What an arsehole stringing you along like that. Has he been keeping in touch with her? Is she single and he thinks he's in with a chance? I think there's something really wrong with him, but I don't think he's ill - just a twat.

Tell him you want him to see a GP. This is very weird behaviour indeed and I would be worried about his mental health.

This is very odd, he asked to whisper the name? And it’s someone from school? Does he have any contact with her or is he stalking her?

he may be unwell but I’d be running. Let him go.

Thank you for the replies, I've just been for a scan I'm 8 weeks 2 day's. Still have time to decide but I'm fairly certain I want to keep this baby. To answer a few questions, sorry not replying to individual posts.
I'm sure he's had no contact with her but him thinking about is enough and I don't think I can get past that even if I stayed with him. Red flag comment about her being the love of his , yeah I should have ran but kind of thought it was a joke tbh. I think he is mentally unwell I've known him 3yrs+ and I've never seen him like that. He was rambling saying I'm leaving then I'm not leaving all in the same sentences. He was shaking just really out of it.
I did phone the Dr and he has an appointment Thurs but I won't be helping get there and if doesn't follow through I will be done. The reason I'm not kicking him out my eldest who isn't his has autism and ADHD. He's been at his dad's and is coming back today he wouldn't cope if he was gone when he came back.

Blimey you wouldn’t see my heels for dust in This situation - I would be asking him to leave anyway for a couple of months

We had a talk and he seems to think that as he was being honest I should just let it go. He also said that he felt better after telling me. I told him it was over as he's really messed me around and made me feel fucking awful after his offloading.

We had a talk and he seems to think that as he was being honest I should just let it go. He also said that he felt better after telling me. I told him it was over as he's really messed me around and made me feel fucking awful after his offloading.

My first thought when you said this weird behaviour was when he got back from.the pub was whether he had taken drugs of some sort as well as alcohol.
You need to put yourself and your wellbeing first OP.