be honest - would you really be friends with a depressed person? Cos I need a friend right now

[PeedOffandPg]

I hardly know where to start so here goes...

Today started well enough, I was quite chipper and decided to take DD out in a sling. It was the first time but I'd already been out a pram once and that had gone okay. I havent doen it much as I have mobility problems and anxiety issues. Overall I feel safe at home so spend most of my time there.

I expected to feel quite pleased with myself but actually it was nerve wracking. Would DD get sunburnt (she did have a hat on? What if the sling broke? What if I slipped? What if she was overheating and I didnt know?

DD was fine, she fell asleep and I was only out for half an hour, if that. After we got back I gave her a top and tail and a feed and during that feed I crashed, just felt NOTHING. It was scary.

I think it was me just shutting off. I was desperate to get out instead of being cooped up all day but also there is the situation with DP.

His depression/self-centredness/whatever it is has rendered him utterly useless as a partner. He comes over so I can have a shower or take me to the supermarket and thinks he deserves a medal. He cant offer me any emotional support so there's no point telling him.

I am sick of feeling like some isolated weirdo. i want to meet people, other Mums, enjoy a laugh and a moan. I love my DD to bits and am up for the challenge of being a single mum (I knew it might go that way when I got pg. I am not needy or clingy, and I dont drink smoke or have any addiction problems.

But I'm sick of pretending to be someone I'm not incase someone judges me so tell me if I'm someone you could be friends with. I might be depressed but it doesnt define me. I still have a sense of humour and am smart and respectful. I have namechanged tho till I get your replies. Then if I am feeling brave enough, I will "out" myself.

So tell me honestly, am I the kind of person you would avoid?

Yes I am the same PeedOff (tho no longer pg)who had the problems with her DP and DSD.

I'd be friends with you AND make you my lemon squares (and my malt loaf is you are in Scotland) .

I've had PND twice and AND twice now, too.

And if you had a panic attack in the middle of the night, you could phone me.

Peedoff, listen to Janni.

FWIW, in answer to your question, I would be a friend to anyone, but don't do sparkly masks. What you see is what you get.

I'd be your friend; I'm not just friends with people for what they can do for me. It's a great boost when you can do something for others too. In other words "give & take". And don't think "I've got nothing to give" - you posed us a question to think about and we all answered. Chat/discussion - that's a facet of friendship.

yep, i'd be friends with you too! I was (am??) in a similar situation re depression and found that it helped me to make a timetable of things i would do that week. Nothing too arduous, but something that would actually spur me on to get out of the house. Babygym, swimming, nct meetup, park, supermarket, town for a mooch, babyclinic. Also, if you dont go to these things, how will you find likeminded friends? I met my best friend by going to a very unsupportive babyclinic - i was contemplating not going, but then she started, and it was obvious we shared a lot in common, so now we see eachother all the time.

The other thing i wanted to say was dont rule out ADs cos you are BF. Im still BF ds at 15mo and have been on ADs since well before pregnancy. Ask your GP to refer to you a specialist to talk through your concerns. Also look on the website www.kellymom.com its full of evidence based information about bf, and very reassuring regarding bf.

good luck xx - oh, what about your local mn group? Ive recently started going to meetups and everyone is lovely!

Depression means depressed, not 'bad and boring person'. My bf was depressed for many years. She was still one of the nicest people I knew.

Take the AD's - NOW! Life is too short to be depressed and the first few months of your baby's life are too precious for you to let them be marred by depression.

I have suffered from depression on and off for years. Am off the AD's at the mo and and 6 months pg. I am planning to go straight back on them if i feel the faintest whiff of depression after DC is born. I've done my research and it's fine to BF while on ADs.

My midwife referred me to the perinatal unit at hospital which specialise in dealing with ante and postnatal depression. They offer support groups, therapy & councelling, advice on which ADs are fine to take while BF etc. Have you been referred to anywhere like this? If not, get yourself referred asap.

On the friendship front - I don't signpost my depression and only my closest friends and family know about the ADs (oh yeah, and now everyone on MN!). I'm not hiding it but i do find that if other people go on about their mental illnesses to me then i can find it a bit overwhelming - as if they are asking me to deal with their problems for them. And TBH, I need all my strength to deal with my own!

Hope that helps, good luck and well done for being so strong and such a loving mum to your blessed DD xxx

Weegie and expat (and anyone else) my email is [email protected] if you'd like to meet up.
Thanks to everyone, you've all been really nice.

I would be friends with you!! you sound just on my wavelength, I hsve suffered from depression for all of my life for various reasons. I am so insecure it is a miracle how I get up sometimes.

The pg hormones are a killer and they kind of distort everything you thought you knew about yourself well, this is what it is for me. Then when the baby comes you are kind of dropped in a big ocean and left to see how far you can swim. It's so hard and if you don't get the support you need or deserve from your dp it is 10x worse.

All I canm say is, please don't be so hard on yourself , where are you based if you don't want to say that is fine but just just thinking about you beinga able to get to know other mums and share the burden a bit. this is one thing I didn't do and no point now as dd is 5 months and going back to work in 2 wks but so wish I had as I think it would help to alleviate the isolating life we all find ourselves in with a new baby.

BTW I did laugh at what you said regarding going out and worrying about your dd getting sunburnt and slipping, this is exactly how I am!! I am a bit neurotic with DD constantly worrying about her when she is actually fine.