Ex texting | Mumsnet

TeddyBearPicnics · 2025-08-31T22:02:04+00:00

My ex text me saying he loves me. Very confusing as we split years ago. There's been nothing between us at all in years, no flirting, nothing. We do share children so have to have contact for that reason but even then it's very much only about the children I don't speak to him about anything else and we don't spend any time together. Has anyone had this? An ex trying to come back after *years?!* I would have been over the moon if this was a few years ago as he was the one that left me but now I'm so confused and shocked that he would make things awkward like this especially as we barely speak (we are not friends or anything like that it's just bare minimum contact) I don't know what he is playing at if it is some kind of game?

TheRavagesOfThyme · 31/08/2025 23:04

He's lonely and fishing for attention. Don't rise to the bait, you will only get hurt

Lostworlds · 31/08/2025 23:08

I would also be thrown by this. I would suspect he’s probably lonely especially as he hasn’t tried to reach out more often and chat a bit more personally first.

What do you want to come of this? Ultimately this all depends on what you want. If you want a way back or to see how it goes then chat more with him about it but be on guard incase he’s just looking to hook up.
If you don’t want anything from this then I would politely reply something along the lines of putting the children first and continuing things just as they are right now.

Original poster

TeddyBearPicnics · 31/08/2025 23:33

Lostworlds · 31/08/2025 23:08

I would also be thrown by this. I would suspect he’s probably lonely especially as he hasn’t tried to reach out more often and chat a bit more personally first.

What do you want to come of this? Ultimately this all depends on what you want. If you want a way back or to see how it goes then chat more with him about it but be on guard incase he’s just looking to hook up.
If you don’t want anything from this then I would politely reply something along the lines of putting the children first and continuing things just as they are right now.

Oh I should add the no conversation other than the kids is definitely more one sided (on my side) I don't entertain anything he says if it isn't child related. I think he would happily be friends but I prefer to be civil and keep things about the children, so just wanted to make it clear there's been no mixed messages on my side.

He often tries to invite me out on his contact time with the children in fact it's pretty much every time he will invite me along, even though I always decline. I assumed he wanted help with them rather than it being anything more.

OP posts:

Lostworlds · 01/09/2025 06:33

It’s good you’ve kept things civil whilst showing him you’re not to be messed around with. It does sound like he’s missing you and maybe wants to see what it’s like when you’re all together as a family.

What do you want from it all?

MYOB12 · 01/09/2025 07:00

Had he just split up from a girlfriend? Probably bored/lonely/after a shag. I wouldn’t even reply or acknowledge it.

SkiAndTravelTheWorldWithMyDog · 01/09/2025 07:14

Please don't go back. If they are happy to leave you once, they will leave you again.

You will end up being hurt and it's really confusing for the kids.

Stay strong.

Coconutter24 · 01/09/2025 07:19

TeddyBearPicnics · 31/08/2025 23:33

Oh I should add the no conversation other than the kids is definitely more one sided (on my side) I don't entertain anything he says if it isn't child related. I think he would happily be friends but I prefer to be civil and keep things about the children, so just wanted to make it clear there's been no mixed messages on my side.

He often tries to invite me out on his contact time with the children in fact it's pretty much every time he will invite me along, even though I always decline. I assumed he wanted help with them rather than it being anything more.

Show quote history

At least this drip feed is near the top of the post instead of the usual 2 pages deep!!
Why did he leave in the first place?

LeftieRightsHoarder · 01/09/2025 11:17

So he’s found the grass isn’t greener. Did he leave you for someone else? Has he split up with someone recently? That would affect my reaction.

If he left to ‘look for himself’ I might consider being friendly, but only if you want to. If he dumped you for someone else or just wants to keep you as back-up, I’d say No way.

Original poster

TeddyBearPicnics · 01/09/2025 11:18

MYOB12 · 01/09/2025 07:00

Had he just split up from a girlfriend? Probably bored/lonely/after a shag. I wouldn’t even reply or acknowledge it.

I wouldn't know about partners as we never speak about stuff like that

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Original poster

TeddyBearPicnics · 01/09/2025 11:19

LeftieRightsHoarder · 01/09/2025 11:17

So he’s found the grass isn’t greener. Did he leave you for someone else? Has he split up with someone recently? That would affect my reaction.

If he left to ‘look for himself’ I might consider being friendly, but only if you want to. If he dumped you for someone else or just wants to keep you as back-up, I’d say No way.

No cheating involved in the break up. He had a mental illness and left because of that.

OP posts:

Original poster

TeddyBearPicnics · 01/09/2025 11:21

Lostworlds · 01/09/2025 06:33

It’s good you’ve kept things civil whilst showing him you’re not to be messed around with. It does sound like he’s missing you and maybe wants to see what it’s like when you’re all together as a family.

What do you want from it all?

I'm really not sure. I was hoping for this a couple of years ago.. I would have been over the moon but now feel like too much time had passed.

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frozendaisy · 01/09/2025 11:32

He wants something
emotional support
sex
attention

something off you for free thinking he can just send a text and you will come running

because that is what women live for to fix men on their time with their energy but all dictated by male terms and conditions

he might have been drunk wanted attention

personally I would just carry on as if it never happened

Nottyrash · 01/09/2025 11:47

TeddyBearPicnics · 01/09/2025 11:21

I'm really not sure. I was hoping for this a couple of years ago.. I would have been over the moon but now feel like too much time had passed.

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It has.

just ignore it.

Original poster

TeddyBearPicnics · 01/09/2025 11:50

When he invited me on his days out with them I honestly just thought he wanted some help with them or me to be there to support him, of course the children naturally gravitate to me so I thought it was just a way of him trying to get me to tag along didn’t read anything else into it, kept thinking why doesn’t he want to spend some time with them without me most exes would hate the other parent tagging along on contact time surely!

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smallsilvercloud · 01/09/2025 11:59

I bet he’s become single again and he thinks you are an easy option.
I would never trust an ex again, especially if they ended it, they don’t value it enough.

Tablesandchairs23 · 01/09/2025 12:27

Ignore the texts and carry on as normal.