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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship breaking down

2 replies

Beebot123 · 31/08/2025 15:48

This is my first post, please be kind.

my relationship of 20 years is coming to an end I think but why can't I leave him?

He brings nothing to the relationship. I do all the cleaning, all the household stuff, arranging childcare, arranging children's lunches and after school activities. I plan and buy all the presents throughout the year (including his family). Our oldest daughter has said she doesn't want to be in a relationship like ours. Our son makes comments about why dad is grumpy.

He contributes financially.

He isn't even a particularly great dad to our children. He is in their lives. He loves them. He takes our son to football and picks our daughter up if she needs picked up (if I ask him to). He gaslights our children constantly. He takes offence at everything that is said to him. He unintentionally has made our son cry twice this weekend because our son has asked to do things he doesn't agree with.

I know all these points and I don't even know if I like him as a person any longer. I can't leave him though. He has nowhere to go if we separate and I can't afford to keep our home if we separate either.
I know these aren't reasons to stay but I can't seem to say the words "we need to break up."

i don't really know what the point is of this post. I just feel like I need to speak to someone that isn't my family or a friend ❤️

OP posts:
Sally2791 · 31/08/2025 15:55

Hopefully it helped to write all that down. It can be incredibly difficult getting out of a dead relationship but it is possible. The children will be much happier without the negativity, and they can still see him if they want to.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 02/01/2026 09:37

@Beebot123 How are you today?

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