Anyone dreading winter with an emotionally detached or ASD DH.

[whatisforteamum]

So the marriage has had its difficulties like everyone juggling dcs ,work etc.
Fast forward to dcs long since left home and I cut back to normal working hours not 55 HR weeks.
DH is distant possibly ASD and won't get assessed.
I discovered I'm Hyperactive Impulsive ADHD and potentially autistic and awaiting assessment.
He doesn't want to know about it.
Doesn't want to take antidepressants or look after his physical health he is quite overweight and had a heart attack yrs ago.
We are complete opposites and can't really afford to separate.
Their is no physical relationship at all. I can stand the summer as everyone is out and about.The thought of winter cooped up with him fills me with dread.
He can't seem to motivate himself to do anything unless I suggest it.
DIY,food or visiting family or keeping in touch with dcs is down to me.
I can't be the only one ?
Please share what you do when DH is old before his time.
I can't drive currently.

The marriage is rotten, ND or no ND

I'm not in the same situation but DH has ADHD and I am a very outdoors person so winter is definitely less fun. I'd say take up some hobbies you can do by yourself at home, I like to paint and can happily while away a few hours of an evening painting with a podcast on. I also took up cold water swimming last year (on hold at the moment as I'm undergoing investigation for a heart condition) is fun to get out, bracing and I've met some lovely people in a cold water swimming group, almost all women interestingly, wet often go for a hot drink and a chat after a swim. I also do a book club through work but there will be others available. Gives me a reason to read something I might not always choose and then the club meets once a month. I'm also very much a right clothes rather than wrong weather person so if I want to walk on the beach I will regardless of season.
If you don't have the option to separate and you don't want the same things from life you just have to live yours.

You have been writing about your husband now for many years now. Blimey I remember when your daughter was still living at home!.

You've stayed with him for what amount to your own reasons which were ultimately the wrong ones. I would urge to you to finally put your own self first and end this codependent and dysfunctional relationship. Your adult children likely wonder too why you are still with him and I would think they do not come back home to visit you both very often if at all because the atmosphere at home is so unpleasant.

And how are you so certain that you cannot afford to separate?. Have you actively or recently sought legal advice?.

Although if you do recall the OP’s other threads (she’s actually had to change her hours so colleagues aren’t around her so much), there is a lot more to this than just the DH

you are right thought…. A diabolical home life for children

I think if you are dreading the future with your husband and your children are grown up, separate. Your future is yours, nobody else’s. Your post is more about him than you, but imagine you had a future where he’s not really a factor and most of the time you can think about other things.

Laxo weekend that is a recent job change where I work 20 hrs a week less.my boss asked me to come in an hour later due to me being v much a morning person and others who are struggling need peace and a slow start.
Since that happened both people have said they prefer me to be myself and the boss jumped the gun so we compromised on a 1/2 hour difference as a 5 am alarm is quite early in the winter.

Huh?

you said you’d been asked to shuffle hours so your colleague got time without you

My point is… clearly there’s a shed load more to this and the two of you shouldn’t be together

The curious orange great suggestions.
It's always difficult when one person is an outdoors type like myself and the other a TV addict.

Yes a colleague with sensory difficulties who likes quiet and low lighting.
I'm more than happy to compromise as a lively energetic person I understand it can be annoying.

🙄

a very very different interpretation of what’s going on from your thread on the matter

this will rumble on for years so 🤷‍♀️ I’ll leave you to it

Honestly, OP, from what you're saying, it sounds like the only answer is to separate. I also thought that I couldn't afford to separate. I found a way in the end. I've had to make a lot of sacrifices but it has been worth it.

I think you're being a bit unfair here, trawling through OP's other posts (and misrepresenting them)

Are you happy now dizzydizzydizzy?
I can't help thinking that I would be stopping one type of difficulty for another IE financially worse off.

ThesmallAssasin thank you.

It's true though I do work with others that have sensory issues.
The opposite of mine.There is always compromise.