Am I in the wrong?

[Mumma223]

I've lived alone for well over 7 years with my kids. My partner stayed last week for an entire week as he was without transport (was taking him to work etc) and I made a comment that I would like an evening to myself. He now thinks I dont care about him. Am I in wrong for wanting some time to myself? I have had my children 24/7 this summer which i have loved but have enjoyed some me time in evenings

It was a little insensitive to say after only a week. If I was him I’d be left with the filling that you were just tolerating having me around.

Understandable to feel that way, but probably a bit tactless to verbalise it. It was only a week, I’d probably be a bit miffed too. You probably made him feel like an inconvenience.

How long have you been seeing this man?

If he was without transport then what did you expect him to do that particular evening while you had your 'me' time?

If you are used to spending a fair amount of time alone it's difficult to fully relax with other people in the house. Just like in reverse if you are used to a house full it seems too quiet when everyone is gone. It would get easier if you were living together full time. Doesn't he miss his quiet time or would he much prefer to be with people all of the time? Some people just like that physical presence of someone else.

Is he hoping to extend his stay and now you've thrown a spanner in his works (to move in by stealth).

You are not wrong to feel like that. I am an extreme introvert. I could spend 10 days entirely alone, the doorbell might ring and I would say, "FFS who is that now!"

Is it the way you worded it though. Maybe apologise and tell him you are touched out and overwhelmed.

If you had invited a friend or family member to stay for a week, would you have expected them to go elsewhere for an evening so that you could have an evening to yourself?

Perhaps you didn’t realise you would want that when you invited him but I wouldn’t like to be told that after accepting an invitation in good faith. And if I’d been told in advance that I would need to make myself scarce on day three for example, I would have only stayed two days. I might have made alternative arrangements completely because I would have felt my visit was inconvenient

I don't think you're in the wrong. Needing an evening to yourself and communicating that is better than squashing it down in order to protect his feelings and getting stressed and resentful. How did you word it?
I tend to tell partners upfront that I need a few hours of solitude regularly to recharge, and that it's not a reflection on them or how I feel in the relationship.

I too like time to myself, I think many of us do actually. So you're not in the wrong. However, as PPs have said, how you said it will impact the result. Also you only you know your partner. Are they usually sensitive? If so more tact needs.to be used..so I guess, without more information and context it's hard to say

I don’t think you can invite someone to stay for a week with the expectation that they will give you one evening to yourself whilst they what… did you expect him to leave the house for the evening?
You should have spoken before and made it clear that since you’re used to having time to yourself you will still want to spend one evening alone. But I would say the onus is then on you to go out rather than expect your guest to facilitate that. As others have said would you do the same to your family, your mum for example? As I think it’s a bit rude to invite someone to stay and then basically ask them to leave you to it for an evening. It’s perfectly understandable that you want that time to yourself but then as others have said it is the way you worded it. I would have felt a bit hurt if my partner said that to me and ended up going back home and staying there!

Could you not have just excused yourself and gone to take a long bath?

It is tiring having to be 'on' all the time for someone else and it takes a little while to get to the point where you can relax just as much around them as when you are alone.

PP’s comments are all fair and reasonable. It was only a week and he will have felt unwanted considering how you’ve phrased that. You’d get time on your own once he’s gone.
But living on my own myself (for much longer than you) I do get where you’re coming from. Being with someone 24/7 with no time to decompress is tricky and can feel stressful, especially when it’s you hosting. I like my own space at times.
This should have been a conversation beforehand. I don’t think the lack of car has helped either as he’s stuck with you. Try and talk it through and explain how you feel in a way he can understand.

We humans seem to have great trouble with dealing with this type of thing in close relationships: "I need some time on my own." It's a perfectly reasonable desire and something which we should practice within relationships. Every now and again I hear of relationships in which both partners are able to express their need to do something on their own or, indeed, to do nothing on their own, without upsetting the other and I always think, "That's a mature relationship."

In other words: no, you're not in the wrong, not in the slightest.

I wouldn’t want the burden of being someone’s transport for the whole week, there’s public transport, what would he have done without you? I’m guessing if he can’t get himself to work, you also cooked and cleaned up after him too?
I can understand why you want some free time

I have lived alone for around the same amount of time as you and recently had a close friend to stay for a week, we actually lived together at uni so I’m used to her being in my living space (albeit 15-odd years ago!) but I was sick of the sight of her by the end of the week! To be honest even after the first couple of days I started to feel like I needed more space and some time to myself, definitely nothing personal towards her I think it’s just a lot to have another adult in the home for more than a couple of days when you’re used to being on your own.

Nope. @Mumma223 is fully entitled to feel that way and to say it.

I didn't invite him to stay for the week he had planned to stay without talking to me and when he said he was staying till Tuesday (so would have been 10 nights) I said in conversation I didn't realise you were staying all week and that I didn't mean it in a horrible way but I would like an evening to myself as I was exhausted and felt like I had spent whole week being a taxi (taking to work,taking to shops,taking to get equipment,taking to his mums house etc etc) and hadn't spent time being able to go out with my children. We had also started arguing which didn't help

Erm, why the fuck is he TELLING you that he's staying, tell him to fuck off, cheeky fucker

"he had planned to stay without talking to me and when he said he was staying till Tuesday (so would have been 10 nights) "

He feels so entitled to your home he doesn't even ask to stay. He's a cocklodger.

You should have said no before, but it's time to boot him back to his own place, especially since you're too busy being his chauffeur to spend time with your kids and you're arguing.

Pick your kids, not the cocklodger.

Well that’s a very different post. In that case I’d be fuming that he’d decided to move himself in for a week without telling me, and expecting me to run around after him. With your own kids as well I would absolutely not be doing that. And not sure why you have been if you didn’t want to?
I think people have misunderstood your original post as it came across that you invited him to stay and offered to do those things. In which case it is unreasonable to then decide you need your guest to disappear for the evening. But if he’s an uninvited guest then you absolutely can say you want some time alone. Either he’s a bit too full on or more invested in you, or your communication is terrible. But he doesn’t sound that great of a catch tbh if he expects that from you when it means you’re not spending time with your own children as a result