I’ve been with my husband for 8 years. I met him in a weird time where I was extremely stressed and running a business and money was tight. He came into my life, so positively and felt like a knight in shining armour.
We met, 6 months later I was living with him and a year in we were engaged and two years in, we were married.
This dark time I met him, he usually made me feel bad for not paying him enough attention or scolding me for not being present… honestly, I was so exhausted all the time and in pain from giving everything to my business. He’s always not had empathy toward me but it was a difficult time, so I figured I must’ve been a nightmare to be with in that time.
We have two small children now (1 and 3.5).
In our marriage I’ve managed to bring some money in from being self employed but I’m mainly SAHM (which I love!) but I will work evenings and in nap times to earn money. I have to ask husband for money. I’ve got access to the ‘joint’ account but don’t use it because he makes a big deal. It’s really degrading to have to ask and he will always question why I don’t have money… for a food shop or to cover my personal bills like life insurance etc.
When my youngest was born I’ve managed to leave the house 3 times in this year and every time was for work. He always makes me feel stressed for leaving the house and ‘how many more days are there?!’ He makes out that looking after the kids is just too stressful for him. I get he wants to do well but it’s draining. I injured myself recently and instead of meeting me with love, I’m told off.
He mentally kicks me when I’m down and when I feel good he somehow manages to ruin that too.
i made a mistake of talking too intimately and personally with someone online because I’ve just been feeling so shit for such a long time and he saw the messages - I was also complaining about him. He has apparently been sifting through my phone for years…
When he found these messages he made me feel awful… yes, I shouldn’t have
messaged. But also, I’ve been financially controlled, no say in anything to do with where we live, what happens with the house, no empathy, constantly told he’s never really been happy and always made me feel that myself and the girls are in the way of his happiness.
The next day he forced himself on me in the kitchen not using protection (never done that before) - I love my girls but no more babies for me.
i can’t touch my phone without him stressing or making me feel like a criminal, he’s still checking my phone and there’s nothing to see.
He makes it so hard for me to make long journeys with the girls but doesn’t join me to make it easier.
Now he’s threatening suicide if I leave him taking the girls. He knows I’m not sleeping and stressing constantly. He says he doesn’t feel the love from me. My focus is on my children. He believes I should be throwing myself at him and show him that I want him. ‘Make me feel wanted…’
He isn’t a bad dad at all but he’s losing his temper a lot with my eldest and she’s playing up too. I’m trying to keep everything together but I don’t know if I can anymore.
there is so much more I could say but it’s already a huge novel. I feel like I need help.
I am so stuck. I understand why he feels so strongly but also I’ve been unable to talk to him about my feelings for years (I’ve tried many times but get met with a lot of sensitivity and defensiveness) and I selfishly wanted someone to be my cheerleader, even if it was just online based.
I know this is super specific but am I delusional? Is it in my head? This seems so toxic.