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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I made someone feel comfortable

12 replies

MyLimeBiscuit · 30/08/2025 20:57

I have known a guy for about 8 years. Fbw. Lost tough for about 18 months due to a relationship and subsequent baby. The babys father isn't in the picture (happened early stages of pregnancy).

I meet the guy socially on a handful of times and would communicate via what's app often.

He didn't make a move for sex but I felt the urge recently. It's been a hard along and about 3 years since we last did it.

He then cancelled and said he didn't feel comfortable.

I just feel rejected.

This comes with a load of other rejections in my life from friends, family and jobs etc.

I'm sensitive and sometimes don't know how to read situations. People generally stop talking to me.

I asked why I made him feel uncomfortable and then said I had to go offline for a few days due to a phone swap. He messaged a few days later asking if my phone is ok etc.

I messaged him a few days later asking why I made him uncomfortable and after I sent it I realised I shouldn't have asked, just apologized. So I deleted her message.

He sent a message apologising but not saying what I did wrong. I didn't reply and he's added me to a what's app group (to send pics from trip).

I don't know what I did wrong, don't want to hear what I did wrong, and don't know how to communicate myself... Because I think it's just not worth it. Or am not worth it. He's also going on his massive trip so bad timing.

Think I just needed a sound board

OP posts:
whatcanthematterbe81 · 30/08/2025 21:06

You mean you sent him a booty call and he felt used so decided against it? Sorry you’re feeling rubbish but he’s allowed to not want to be called for sex. Even if you have a history hooking up

Weekmindedfool · 30/08/2025 21:08

I think you need to work on communication in general.

SquishedMallow · 30/08/2025 21:11

Do you suffer with dyslexia? Your writing on here doesn't read quite right. I wonder if perhaps your text messages give the same style .

ThatUniqueTealWriter · 30/08/2025 21:27

SquishedMallow · 30/08/2025 21:11

Do you suffer with dyslexia? Your writing on here doesn't read quite right. I wonder if perhaps your text messages give the same style .

Sorry I have difficulty writing. Using another account as well, hence name change.

My messages are fine.... They are brief and conversational style.

I don't know if he just wants to be friends which I would find confusing.

ThatUniqueTealWriter · 30/08/2025 21:27

Weekmindedfool · 30/08/2025 21:08

I think you need to work on communication in general.

Easier said then done

SquishedMallow · 30/08/2025 21:29

ThatUniqueTealWriter · 30/08/2025 21:27

Sorry I have difficulty writing. Using another account as well, hence name change.

My messages are fine.... They are brief and conversational style.

I don't know if he just wants to be friends which I would find confusing.

Ok. Thanks for answering. It was a genuine question.

I think there's no guarantees in these kind of set ups. You'll have to accept it for what it is and set your sights elsewhere.

These set ups never end up benefitting women

ThatUniqueTealWriter · 30/08/2025 21:30

SquishedMallow · 30/08/2025 21:29

Ok. Thanks for answering. It was a genuine question.

I think there's no guarantees in these kind of set ups. You'll have to accept it for what it is and set your sights elsewhere.

These set ups never end up benefitting women

It's been numerous years. I don't think he knows I'm annoyed at him. If I unjoin the group on what's app he's created would that seem petty

Iloveyoubut · 30/08/2025 22:09

Maybe the dynamic has changed for him. Maybe he sees you differently as a mother with a child now and it’s changed the fwb for him… not saying that’s right or wrong or judging … it’s just a possibility, maybe it feels too serious for him now. Maybe he’s seeing someone. Maybe he has feelings for you and it took him time to get over them and he doesn’t want to reopen that … it could be anythng. But I think that you don’t have the right to ask him why. I know it’s hard not to feel rejected, obviously the guy was physically attracted to you at one point so it’s unlikely that’s changed but other things have.

BuckChuckets · 30/08/2025 22:10

ThatUniqueTealWriter · 30/08/2025 21:27

Sorry I have difficulty writing. Using another account as well, hence name change.

My messages are fine.... They are brief and conversational style.

I don't know if he just wants to be friends which I would find confusing.

Do you think your OP here was fine, conversational, brief? It came across to me as quite odd. I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to help you work out what the issue is with this man.

HoneyBlossoms · 31/08/2025 20:32

It's probably you having a child now tbh.

PinkFlloyd · 31/08/2025 20:37

Your circumstances are different. Your writing is confusing, 'I messaged him a few days later asking why I made him uncomfortable and after I sent it I realised I shouldn't have asked, just apologized. So I deleted her message.' Is it him or her?

HoneyBlossoms · 31/08/2025 20:41

Probably autocorrect for 'the' message?

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