I’ve told him what I want but now I’m crying

[crappycrapcrap]

I’ve been wanting to separate for 5-6 months, really definitely clear in my mind there isn’t a way forward. We’re married, together 24 years, two young tween/teens.

It’s taken forever to pluck up the courage to tell him and I’ve done it today. I’ve dreaded his reaction, he’s very unpredictable.

Actually he’s been Ok just very sad and immediately jumping to what he going to do - change his job/fix the house things like that.

If he had done some of this stuff in the last four years, maybe we wouldn’t be where we are. He’s been utterly awful to me. I know this and I can’t face another special occasion with him, I’m happier when he’s not home - with his new job I now rarely see him.

But I do love him, I care deeply about him and I’ve spent my whole adult life with him. It’s so sad.

And now I’ve ripped the plaster off, all hell will break loose with what he’ll tell the children. I’m dreading it.

No op you both sit down and tell the children together calmly but only when you and him have had a conversation on how it looks when telling the children, you need to prepare for the questions they may ask, best to prepare than not , living arrangements, tge house, who's moving out, there schooling there friends family, they may ask all these questions, you both need to reassure and support them , tell truths only as children will hang onto every word and never forget these conversations,

They need to know you both will answer any questions they need answering, no name calling or belittling each other, but you need to talk first before the children,

If he were the sort of person to be so level headed I’d still be happily married.
He might be ok, I’ve asked him not to upset the kids or say anything yet but he also might explode - be it with anger or tears I don’t know.

He is family, that’s why you love him. Doesn’t make him partner material though.

If he does explode, calmly say that sometimes people who are upset struggle to control themselves and that you will have the conversation later when he’s able to contain his feelings.

That’s so true family but not a partner

Unfortunately OP you can't control his reactions or how he chooses to behave. All you can do is present a calm front for your children and explain to them that mum and dad can't live together happily any more but that you both love them and will always take care of them. This is the worst bit and you knew it would be difficult which is why it's taken so long for you to act. BUT you will all come out the other side and you will be able to make a calm and peaceful home for you and your children. Keep your eyes on the light at the end of this tunnel - you will get there. I hope you have good friends to vent too as you go through this difficult process. Keep reminding yourself that it WILL get better 💐

@Endofyearthank you , that really does help. Right now im assuming im wrong, im usually the one to help and support him not upset him and certainly not upset my DC.