I am so angry but do I have a right to be?.

[LuciaW]

So my husband and I started going through a rough patch and I felt something wasn’t right!. So after trying to have a conversation with him I figured out it wasn’t a rough patch, he was interested in and was talking to a younger woman🤦‍♀️. So I reminded him that I wasn’t going through this again and I would like him to make a choice between his marriage or the girl!, he said it was unfair to make him choose🤨 so I told him that our relationship was over and the children and would move out as soon as I could get a house. We agreed we would tell the children together and that we would make sure it didn’t affect them. Well from that day he started staying out until gone midnight and hardly see the children, then when I tried to talk to him about the children meeting possible partners we agreed that we would talk to each other and that 6 months was best for the children and asked him about having set days to look after the children he said he couldn’t do that because what if there were an emergency like he broke his leg or the dog needed the vet🤨 so I said fine think about but we need to sort something. Well he offered to look after the children so I could go out ( not once in the 22 year relationship was I allowed to go out!!). When I got home he said he had taken the children to the park and they had met his girlfriend and her children after only being together for a month 🤬 at this point the elder of the 3 (who is 16 but is autistic) knew we were separated but didn’t know about there being a girlfriend as we hadn’t talked about it she just figured something was wrong because of how he was acting and the younger 2 who are 10 and 9 thought that mum and dad just slept in different rooms 🤦‍♀️. I felt so angry for the children not having the time to process the new information or have the time to give their opinion as he told them 30mins before that he had someone special he would really like them to meet!. Now I’m worried he is going to invite them into our family home and push it on the children just to make him feel good about his new relationship and to make me feel uncomfortable🙄🤦‍♀️. He constantly reminds me that it is not my home it is his and tells me he can’t wait for me to leave. I feel like hiring hotel rooms for me and the children so he can’t force the relationship onto them. I know that is irrational thinking but my children are all neurodivergent and suffer terribly with change🤦‍♀️. What should I do?.

Why is it you and the children moving out? Unless it suits you, tell him he's the one who needs to go.
If you are married, you have as much entitlement to the house as he does, assuming you are in the UK. I wonder if you had any legal advice yet.. if not, get some ASAP. Certainly don't move out until you've had advice about that. The starting point would be half of all assets, which includes the house, pensions and savings. He's wrong if he thinks it's his house, no matter whose name it is in.

I decided that it would be best for me and the children to go is because last time he went off with another woman he came round whenever he wanted and got quite nasty because it was him fathers home that we moved into after his father pasted away in an accident and he gets verbally nasty ofi say anything about me having just as much right as he does, to the point he said he’d put me I the river if I tried to take the house off him🤦‍♀️ and yes I’m in the uk. My biggest worry are the children and we also agreed to take in our grandson when he was 3 weeks old ( now 6 months) as our daughter abandoned him so I’m currently going through court proceedings for him with his social worker and I’m afraid I tell her he is being abusive she will see our home as unfit for the baby and put him into care🤦‍♀️the situation is such a mess.

Move on with the legal side of things, splitting assets, proper child custody arrangements etc. His excuse about having an emergency or breaking his leg is just laughable. Sounds like you have a lot going on with your grandchild and daughter, you've got a lot going on. I hope everything works out for you. Sounds like you'll be better off without your husband.

Sounds like you all will be better off without him.
The house is marital property so he either needs to buy out your half or you both sell it and split the proceeds. You need legal advice AND you need to tell the social worker as they must be able to help.

You weren’t allowed out? Erm…time to put him out then, after all, he won’t want you going anywhere

He actually said it was unfair to make him choose between his WIFE and his potential affair partner?? That’s insane.

If you’re married then it’s not his home it’s both of yours and you can take half in the divorce.

If you are married, it doesn’t matte4 whether he got it from his father, half of it is yours. Don’t antagonise him or say this to him, but be confident that you will be able to claim half the value. Get a lawyer involved ASAP. Get out ASAP. Get CM from him. Get lawyer to sort access. Don’t engage with him beyond the essential. Don’t give him any information as he will use it against you for his benefit.

Once you leave him, SS won’t have to worry about baby living in abusive home. Don’t expect this process to be reasonable moving forward. It sounds like you will all be better off without him.

Im currently going through seperation with my husband, its only been around 7-8 weeks.

The first couple of weeks it was raw and because was trying to keep things amibicle between us and for the children I said alot of things I wished I hadn't and basically was ready to roll over and let him have everything to keep the peace.

However I turned to mumsnet and had some amazing support and advice seeing a solicitor was one of them, my funds are low so only did the free 30min but it made me go from feeling helpless and worried about the future and finances to realising I was entitled to more then I realised and that I would be ok.

Previous threat about river is quite scary! However IF safe please get that legal advice before doing anything! If you are safe to stay in the home until then stay.

I waited a few of weeks before seeing solicitor as i didnt feel emotionally ready and I suppose even though I knew the marriage was over it made it feel to real and final, however it gave me so much clarity I wish I had done it alot sooner!

Be open and honest with them, including concerns with grandchild have as much financial info on both of you as possible, if in UK use the child maintenance calculator to calculate your entitlement from him.

Courts put the interest of the children above everything and making sure they have a home is top priority.

Wish you all the best x

I didn’t want to read and run but please get legal advice. It’s in thr best interests of the kids and yourself, most solicitors will give you a free half hour consultation, don’t roll over for him x

I agree with others OP, you need to get legal advice asap. Don't engage in conversation with him about anything until you have. Unfortunately, you can't control who/when he introduces to the children and he sounds like a selfish man who won't put their needs first. Concentrate on the things you can control and accept the things you can't. I think you need to push forward with the divorce and get away from him as soon as you can. Have you got family or friends who can provide you with some moral support?

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