need to talk, feeling a bit crap right now.

[offtobuttonmoon]

I have a full on 2 year old who I am with all day long and is on the go non stop. I don't have any family around so that doesn't help.

My dh is out at work and never comes home at set times so I never know when to expect him. His time keeping skills are rubbish and this really winds me up.

He is self employed and has not had much work on this week so found self indulgent things to do instead. All things that don't involve family time, or giving me time away from being mum. Now he is working the weekend so I am stuck on my own again.

I am trying to prepare for a job interview what requires a lot of prep. but i am not been given the time to do it. Yet again it seems like his things are taking priority.

After a really harassing day, when we go to bed, he wants to get close and cuddly. Sex is crap, it doesn't include any foreplay. I feel wrecked so sex is the last thing on my mind.

Sorry about this, just need to get things off my chest. So many of you have such larger problems.

Hmm. Sounds like you need a few tactics to even things out.

Sex should be out of the question if you're knackered and not in the mood - which you should let him know. Tell him it's hard to feel sexy when you're stuck in the house with a 2 year old all day on your own. If only you had time to go out/work on your prep/whatever, you might feel more up for it...

If you get the job will your 2 year old go to any kind of child care? And if not can you afford to put them in child care for a few hours a week anyway? A day a week might be good for all of you! Dp and I did this when I worked full-time and she didn't - for her sanity so that she had a day which usually got filled up with boring house-type stuff, but at least was small child free!

What about trading a weekend day with your dh - so you'll do the lion's share of childcare on the Saturday if he does it on Sunday and you can have a lie in/go shopping.

Is there any chance you can sit down with him and go over ideas like this - let him know you're getting a bit fed up?

So, when he has a quiet week he spends it on his own doing his own thing?

Sorry, just re-read my post and my comment
'So many of you have such larger problems' sounds a bit naff, ment to say, there are bigger things that people are having to deal with right now and I am posting something quite lame in comparison.

Tell him you need a break, and some help. How about putting your two year old in nursery for a day or two a week? Even just a couple of mornings a week?

There's always someone with larger problems, doesn't make the way you feel any less legitimate, you sound quite worn down by the situation, understandably so poor thing.

Any friends etc who can take lo off your hands for an hour or two, so you can prepare for the interview?

I think your dh is being rather selfish, and self centred- I'm afraid a lot of men take the view that only their job, hobbies, time, sleep, and pleasure in bed is important, particularly when you don't work because they don't consider what you do a job. But who could you employ to do the childcare 24/7, all the housework, cooking, shopping, laundry, billpaying etc- no-one as it's far too much to expect of one employee. You're doing the work of at least 4 people so yes you deserve a break now and then!

I think you need a serious talk with your dh and let him know how much it's all wearing you down. And be kind to yourself, you're doing a fab job!

But if you're pissed off, you're pissed off - and it's good to vent

Does he have any idea you're a bit fed up and could do with more 'me' time?

Does he have family who might help with babysitting etc?

Thanks for replying.

He will always find odd jobs to do, faffing around doing man stuff.

If I do get the job then I will be able to afford childcare and it will probably allow me to feel a bit more like me again.

A bit of me time, shopping, or yes even getting on with the housework on my own sounds appealing.

We moved to be near his family because they wanted to be really involved with our dd but we don't see a lot of them. Even my husband is a bit annoyed with them but he will not discuss things with them.

Def say to him that he can pay for your LO to go to nursery for one full day a week. It will give you the time you need to have a rest, and prepare for interviews etc.

Try to choose one that he can drop your two year old off at, and ask him to do the pick up as well. This may force the time keeping to improve and give you a longer break. Our nursery is open from 7am - 6.15pm.

Also look round for a nice play group, for your LO. They usually take toddlers from 2 and a half years old. Sessions are usually 2 and a half hours long, and relatively cheap. Have a look round now and put LOs name down. Sessions are mornings or afternoons. The term after your LO is three, the govt pays for 5 free sessions at an ofsted accredited place anyway. So LO could go to nursery for free seshions and then have the one day at cheaper rate.

I can imagine that it is very hard when there is no family support available, and DH does'nt seem to realize how hard you work as SAHM.

Agree with other posters that sex should be off the menu until you feel more rested and he is more considerate of your needs, to be less tired and frazzled by life.

I think whoever suggested a day swap was on the money- let him potter about on the saturday doing his man stuff (he probably needs some time to recharge after a busy week) then on the sunday let him look after your dc and have an afternoon to yourself, or a guilt free lie in. If you make it a set time, say 5 hours each of me-time, then there's no sniping and "pfft, my half an hour bath didn't equal your all day golf-a-thon" arguments!

You need this- perhaps you need to get a bit more demanding and selfish with him.

Thanks, your advice sounds good to me

Do you make time to do things as a couple? i think that is really important, you really do need to sort the balance out here as the resentment will build up until you explode, you need some time for yourself too. he shouldn't really expect that all his non work time is for him to do non family things.

Resentment kills libido, IMO.