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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Want to leave relationship but scared to

4 replies

Endoftheline7 · 29/08/2025 22:37

Dh and me together 20 years, 1 adult dc. We have been mostly happy but he has become close to a woman at work over the past year and I’m fairly sure they are having an emotional affair at the very least. It’s devastating to me and his reaction to my upset has slowly changed the way I feel about him. He denies everything, replies with stock phrases, never answers my questions about it directly. It’s absolutely heartbreaking knowing what we have lost. I have told him that if he stopped the contact with her things would be be better. But he won’t. I think I should leave him but am terrified to do so.

OP posts:
fuzzypeach · 30/08/2025 09:51

Sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been with my DH for over 20 years and this happened to me about 6 years in. Fortunately we did get over it and he cut contact. I don’t really have any helpful advice but wanted to bump as I’m sure others will be along soon to support. Good luck.

Rocknrollstar · 30/08/2025 10:44

Sorry to repeat myself but read the book Let Them by Mel Robbins and ask yourself, is this the life I want? Do I deserve better? You are in a difficult situation but do you want to stay there? At the moment he has the best of both worlds while you are clearly in pain and suffering.

NNforthispost · 30/08/2025 11:24

Sometimes I think the phrase emotional affair is misleading because it’s usually because one of them doesn’t want to sleep with the other yet - or they both want to and the possibility hasn’t arisen yet.

He’s not bothered about making an effort to save this if he is just giving stock responses to questions. I’ve been there myself and he just got better at hiding it and it did progress to a physical relationship.

He has no respect for you. You deserve better.

fuzzypeach · 01/09/2025 22:45

Endoftheline7 · 29/08/2025 22:37

Dh and me together 20 years, 1 adult dc. We have been mostly happy but he has become close to a woman at work over the past year and I’m fairly sure they are having an emotional affair at the very least. It’s devastating to me and his reaction to my upset has slowly changed the way I feel about him. He denies everything, replies with stock phrases, never answers my questions about it directly. It’s absolutely heartbreaking knowing what we have lost. I have told him that if he stopped the contact with her things would be be better. But he won’t. I think I should leave him but am terrified to do so.

How are things?

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