Always 4th best…

[anonymousblobfish]

I don’t know how to explain this properly but I will give it a go.

Married for 12 years, 2 x DS, both kids and DH totally sport mad. I can take or leave it, like watching the kids play, not fussed about following a team.

As the boys have gotten older and more into it it seems like our lives revolve around it, so much money spent on tickets, trips to matches, accommodation etc.

Last week I wanted to book a weeks holiday for us in October. We’re not exactly flush with cash so found something reasonably priced but would still be relaxing and sunny. Showed DH, his response was that we couldn’t afford it as we were saving for various home improvements (this is true). Although I thought we could stretch to it I took on board what he was saying and haven’t booked it.

This week DH is now looking at various abroad trips with the boys to go and watch their team. The trips will likely costs more than the holiday I suggested, and I will not be going on them.

Just to add I’m not expected to pay towards the trips, DH will pay, the holiday would’ve been paid jointly by both of us.

Not sure whether to say anything, or whether I should just suck it up. I just feel like I’m always 4th best behind the kids, DH and sport.

Absolutely bring it up. So you miss out on a family holiday whilst he would rather spend money on sports that excludes you? No. That shouldnt be happening

I’m guessing they’re either Forest or Palace supporters?

Forest haven’t been in Europe for decades, Palace have never been. It’s a landmark in the clubs history and any fan would want to go and be a part of it… Seville and Braga are both nice places to visit.

… but you’re right, you should do a trip together as a family also. Raise it with him.

Neither actually. Their club has been in Europe before (and likely will be again) so not a one off event.

Of course you should bring it up. That doesn’t at necessarily mean you should try and stop them going, but you need to be able to talk to your husband if you’re feeling like you don’t matter in your own family. There will be some kind of compromise that can be found that means you both get some of what you want. Maybe the money could be found for you to do a trip with a friend if they go on one cheaper option, or you could combine a holiday with the opportunity for them to see a match.

Even more reason to bring it up with him then…

They need to do stuff together but there needs to be a balance between that and things you do together that you all enjoy.

Definitely look for a compromise here. It's not fair for you to miss out on a holiday while they all go off together. @CopperWhite has some good suggestions - a family weekend away? Or combine a match with a holiday?

Thank you, I get that a compromise is the right thing.

it just sticks a bit when what I suggest was very quickly dismissed due to money, but then say they are doing this. If we can’t afford the holiday, we shouldn’t be able to afford this. But I will find a compromise with DH but essentially I think I’m outvoted!

I'd be fuming and frankly resentful.
Surely anyone with half a brain can see how unreasonable this is.
Try and keep calm but definitely tell DH exactly what you have written here.
You are important too, you feel like you're 4th because frankly that's how they are treating you and it's not a good example to set for DC either.
You say DH will pay for it, do you keep your finances separate? Basically I think as a married couple with DC you should have equal.access to resources so you should be able to spend the same amount of money on yourself and your interests.
Although of course what you really want is a family holiday, definitely push for a for a holiday and try and do something lovely just for you. This isn't acceptable.