Would you ask for the money back?

[JanuaryBug]

I was with my ex for a year and two months, broke up a week and a half ago.

For context, I have four kids from a previous relationship, we were long distance, I am working two part-time jobs and on benefits to make ends meet. He has a good job, was out of work for six months due to depression and a couple of months ago revealed a gambling addiction, which ultimately led to the end of the relationship because I couldn't trust him anymore and didn't need another addict in my life (exDH is an alcoholic).

I didn't notice but was going through my revolut account yesterday to see that I have sent him over €500 over the last year, just from him asking if I could send him it here and there. Sometimes I sent it with the caveat that he'd need to pay me back asap and he did but most of the time I didn't (the €500 doesn't include what was paid back).

Would you ask for it back or just forget it and write it off as me being stupid in the relationship.

Think of it as an investment of getting him out of your life. Him still being there would cost you more so I would say cut your losses. He may start getting petty and looking at what he has spent on you etc.

Nothing to lose
Very very little chance of getting anything back

and fgs in future op, given you’re on the breadline practically yourself, stop flashing the cash on new boyfriends

You were claiming benefits
and spending it on a boyfriend
great

And you have four children

honestly, it’s hard not to despair sometimes with these types of Ops

You're going to have to write that off I'm afraid. Move on, you've saved yourself a fortune by breaking it off, think about that!

Leave her alone ffs €500 over a year is hardly "flashing the cash"

It is when you’re on the bones of your arse and a single mother to 4 children!!

Take it as a lesson as to what not to settle for next time. You’ve said you’re a mother of four children working two jobs and on benefits, when someone asks to borrow or have money from you, you say that you can’t do that.

No I’d move on

Legally you have no chance of getting it back.

Don’t get back in contact. Write it off and learn the lesson.

Don’t give/lend people money. Ever. You can’t afford it and it will always cause issues. Focus on the future, and when this piece of garbage tries to get you back (which he will), stay strong and don’t fish him out of the bin.

Spare funds when perosn has kids should go to the kids or savings for them not on looser boyfriends

You can ask, if it was clear it was a loan. A friend of mine asks to borrow money every month, I don’t mind so much as she always pays me back payday morning and I never have to remind her. But I always write ‘loan’ as the reference on the banking transaction. Ask for it back, say you need it for the kids, but don’t expect to see it.

That’s an awful lot of money to spend on a new boyfriend over a year! Didn’t you notice it was adding up? I’d probably write it off, and vow never to lend anyone money ever again.

I absolutely deserve the harshness directed at me in this thread. I honestly didn't notice it mount up until I went through my revolut account (I had lent him €20 just a few days before we broke up and that's what prompted me to check).

I'm asbolutely disgusted with myself and will definitely be discussing the whole thing with my therapist once I see her this evening.

I did say it to him in the end but I had to block him because he started contacting my 16 year old daughter and I read him the riot act through that and we blocked him everywhere we could.

Seems I've had a very lucky escape.