Family home after separation

[Iristhebutterfly]

Has anyone had any luck with agreeing a delayed sale of a family home until the kids are older, and had the ex agree to pay towards the mortgage until it is sold?

I stupidly bought a house in March with my now ex who is an alcoholic/very abusive and have applied for a NMO and occupation order under the guidance of an IDVA. 2 young children and the eldest would be starting at the local school in a year and the youngest booked into the local nursery to coincide with this (nurseries here have an around 18 month wait for spaces so no option to move it), and I work long hours so need this in place.

I will be in deficit of 1k a month if I have to take over the whole mortgage/bills/childcare even with child maintenance. But there is an ERC of 25k if the house is sold now, not to mention the estate agent/solicitor fees and upheaval of moving again with 2 young children. Plus the one we bought is a complete renovation project and is in a complete state and not particularly saleable currently as there is a lot more to do to make it liveable.

I read about schedule one claims but it looks horribly expensive and I was told if I lost I may have to cover his fees. And that he could try and force a sale through TOLATA to get his equity out sooner. I would be looking to propose that I stay here while the kids are young until the end of the mortgage term in 2030, then look to either sell then or try and buy him out if I can. That would mean no loss from ERC and stability for the children while they start primary, and if house prices continue to go up significantly more equity in it at that stage for both of us. There is a declaration of trust in place with rolling shares and I own about 2/3 of the property currently.

I guess things will take a while to go through family court for the child arrangements and occupation order etc.

Any experience of this sort of case and how it usually plays out? It is heartbreaking to have spent months sorting rooms for the kids and managing the renovation to think it will all just have to be sold soon at a huge loss, with nowhere for me and the kids to currently move to.

I don't have any experience in your situation, so I can't give much advice on the actual legal options here.
What I can say. I'm sure he didn't suddenly become an abusive alcoholic after buying the property with him in March.
I know how these things go. Sometimes you're so deep into the hole you keep on digging, even when it makes zero sense. But sadly I don't think you can avoid the financial and practical consequences of the choices you made. You bought the house. You signed the papers. You got the mortgage. And you knew he was an abusive alcoholic while doing so, and you knew there was a chance you'd end up separating.
Trying to get out of this situation now seems pointless - although I hope for your sake someone else might tell me I'm wrong.
There most likely will be financial and practical consequences. You will probably lose a lot of money.
However, you did choose to buy this property, knowing who your partner at the time was.

That doesn't have to be the end of the world. It's just money. Your happiness can't be reduced to how much money you have in the bank. Sometimes the peace of mind from having everything sorted and no longer being tied to this person is worth a lot more than the money you lost.

Thanks for the reply. Yes I do realise now what an utter idiot I have been for not pulling out of the purchase. Though hadn't realised at that point quite how much he was drinking as he is such a convincing liar and has such a high tolerance he doesn't seem drunk even after 20 units+, plus was so often staying late at 'work'. It was only when I started checking his bag I realised how many litres of spirits and wine he was getting through. Yes he has been abusive for a long time though I hadn't identified it as that until more recently, I had always believed that I must be the problem and needed to change etc. He has massively escalated since completion day once he knew I was trapped.

But yes ultimately it's a very steep learning curve, and I know there is likely to be a loss of money, just seeing if I can reduce it at all by a delayed sale and if that is realistic. And by far the most important thing is me and the kids being safe.