Making new friends learn to trust again !

[Bluelagoon02]

I’m not too sure whether this thread is in the correct section. I am here to talk about friendship after 50. I recently found out that a group of people I considered friends are talking behind my back. This isn’t totally new to me but tried to move past it. But unfortunately I find myself more and more isolated and unable to face these “so called friends” to tell them I have proofs. I’m 56 and find myself pretty lonely not knowing where to start or whether I should trust again. Social media ruined society in a really big way. Your thoughts ? 🌹

When you say talking behind your back…. False stuff and presumably negative?

I’m not sure what the relevance of social media is to your friendship group? I’m three years younger than you and though I use Instagram for following arts organisations, it hasn’t had any measurable negative impact on my friendships…

Negative indeed and cruel too ! I made it perfectly clear why I could not attend a special tribute event. I contributed when they collected money for the gift basket. Obviously it was not enough, but instead of telling me direct they talked badly behind me.

How did you find out talking about you?

I’m guessing this is going to be a drip feed, but was this the only time this happened or is there a trend and have you talked to them about this, telling them how it made you feel?

I don't understand what has Sm got to do with your friends talking about you not going to an event?

I know what you and probably wrong to even comment it on this thread. It was just a thought that came on my mind that’s all. Maybe I should open a different one about this subject. Would it be ok under relationship ? Surely not 🤔

Somebody wrote me a private message and said it had been one of the main subject of conversation when they last met up.

Then, tbh, I’d be wondering why that individual was shit-stirring and what their agenda was. I also wouldn’t be leaving a longterm, valued friendship group of people to whom you have a genuine attachment on hearsay.

So this person… presumably a friend?

Eavesdropping (and by that I don't mean to blame you for finding out) is rarely positive. As wonderful as I am personally, sadly I rarely encounter people spontaneously admiring me behind my back. :)
The conversation would have perhaps started with someone fishing for a negative thing to say, and then the herd mentality means everyone ends up agreeing, even if they don't really think you were bad. This is half because its fun to take someone down now and again, even if you like them really, and half protective to avoid being the target themselves. My strong advice would be to say that you hoped everyone had a good time, say again you contributed but couldn't attend and just breeze it out. In a few months, no one will remember. Don't cut yourself from a friendship group.,