I met my OTGA when we were both 21 at work. He started at this job a few days after I did and sat opposite me and he had this beautiful huge white smile which made me happy every time I saw him. It was a terrible job so we kind of bonded over how awful it was, laughed about the same things, had a lot in common with each other…we just clicked immediately. There was an unspoken attraction between us, and everyone knew we liked each other but it was never verbalised by either of us because we were both in relationships (his was long distance). Anyway, I was being abused by BF at that time and although I didn’t tell anyone what was going on, this guy kind of sensed something nasty was going on with me and he was so kind and supportive, a real rock at a difficult time and never took advantage of my vulnerability. He just built me up and made me feel good about myself and made me realise I deserved better than my BF. This guy had his own issues as his brother was suffering from schizophrenia and it took a huge toll on this guy, so I gave him support and a place to unload his fears as he didn’t feel he could speak to anyone else. His relationship with his girlfriend was increasingly difficult because of the distance and so they argued a lot, plus she was white and he felt he had to keep her hidden from his strict Indian parents (although this turned out not to be the case at all) which caused huge tension between them.
Anyway, I won’t go into all the details because it’s far too long, but when I was single he was in a relationship, and when he was single I was in a relationship. I had my issues and he had his issues, and as a result our paths never really aligned and for a while we didn’t see or speak to each other. During that time I finally dumped my abusive ex and I met my now dh and was utterly smitten with him. The guy contacted me to catch up after a break of about 4 months not seeing or speaking to each other, and we met at a local pub. I went there just to catch up and to say goodbye as I was moving to another area, where as unbeknownst to me, he had wanted to confess that he was in love with me, and wanted us to finally give it a go as he’d been single for a few months and he knew I’d got rid of my ex. Anyway, we met, we had a lovely catch up and then I said my goodbyes to him and we promised to stay in touch. I later found out that once he saw how happy and content I was with my new man (dh) after all the years of abuse my ex had put me through, he decided to let me go and chose not to ruin my happiness by telling me he loved me and causing me turmoil.
Anyway, we’re now both mid 40s and we’re still in regular contact (both my dh and his partner know
we’re in contact and have no issues with this). He has a long term partner and two children, and I’m with my dh and have two children. We still get on like a house on fire, can talk about anything, and I can honestly say he one of the loveliest, kindest people I know. He’s not changed at all over the years. He’s someone who will always have my back and I’ll always have his. I don’t have any regrets about letting him get away, and I believe he feels the same way, but I do sometimes wonder what life would have been like if he’d told me that day at the pub that he loved me, although I suspect I would still have chosen my dh.