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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How would you feel if your bf doesn’t want to kiss you

29 replies

Indieholic · 28/08/2025 00:30

Hey

ive been with my partner for a year we live together and our engaged
I’m struggling with his lack of attention towards me
on a whole he looks after me financially and supports me as I moved abroad to be with him and gave up my job and life
but it’s not materialistic things he thinks he can just give me and I’m happy it’s affection and passion I want which he is cold as ice
i don’t regret moving abroad and when we get on we get on really well but I feel we’re more friends than lovers
weve argued a lot about him being cold and he said he’s always been cold which ok fair enough but I ain’t I’m more spontaneous and love passion
sometimes when I say give us a kiss or try to start something off he replies kiss me normal and pecks me on the lips and refuses to snog me yet before we would snog for hours so intense
he’s always trying to make me jealous a lot lately which is babyish in my eyes and mind games yet if I say something wrong oh he’s the most jealous man out there always gotta get one up on me
hes also got 2 kids one of which is 18 and I’m constantly washing their clothes and plates I get no help around the house
i do everything for him and his family and I’m starting to wonder why
for what
i feel I’m being taken for granted now and feel like everything I do what you can’t show me abit of passion and love
im questioning if I stay or go
he won’t change I left before because he decided he wanted space to than move back to my country to be bombared with textes and begging me back when he saw me getting on with my life and not being so bothered
he promised to change and he did oh he was brillant for a month or two but now it’s gone back to being like friends again
i I don’t know what to do
hes making me insecure and sound desperate and needy
I love him so it’s going to be harder than last time when we did break up and months have passed on since than and I’m use to him it’s scary to move back and start all over again tho I did do it before I guess
but I don’t know if I can accept this life as it’s really upsetting me being here
i feel like Cinderella at times cleaning up to be ex knowledge with a peck on the lips on a evening and sex only when he wants it or I get told no I’m tired
what do I do I don’t know I’m bashing my head against a brick wall
I wish it would work but I don’t seem him changing unless I leave and he realises what he’s lost but I can’t do that every few months for the rest of our lifes
what a mess

OP posts:
SnowFrogJelly · 28/08/2025 00:43

Why are you marrying him

Indieholic · 28/08/2025 00:47

SnowFrogJelly · 28/08/2025 00:43

Why are you marrying him

He proposed to me when we got back together in the time he was pulling all the stops out and swept me of my feet I guess it’s what I wanted while he was being the way he was but yeh clearly if he’s going to stay like this than there won’t be no wedding

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 28/08/2025 00:53

This doesn’t sound good. Are you able to move back to your own country?

Indieholic · 28/08/2025 00:55

iamnotalemon · 28/08/2025 00:53

This doesn’t sound good. Are you able to move back to your own country?

Yes if this happens I’ll go back to england I would move back in with my family and guess start to rebuild my life up again

OP posts:
Pryceosh1987 · 28/08/2025 00:58

I had this problem with girls i dated, they made great friends, bad lovers. It seems you may have to talk to him about it with a counselor present. On a positive note being best friends with your partner is a good thing. But intimacy in a mans mind is sustained by physical impressions.

BansheeOfTheSouth · 28/08/2025 01:05

Indieholic · 28/08/2025 00:55

Yes if this happens I’ll go back to england I would move back in with my family and guess start to rebuild my life up again

You'd be best planning to do that as soon as possible. He begged you to come back because you are his housekeeper not his lover. Why on earth are you looking after his children (including an adult) and doing anything for them?

Get yourself home and away from him.

Indieholic · 28/08/2025 01:17

BansheeOfTheSouth · 28/08/2025 01:05

You'd be best planning to do that as soon as possible. He begged you to come back because you are his housekeeper not his lover. Why on earth are you looking after his children (including an adult) and doing anything for them?

Get yourself home and away from him.

When I first moved in it was just my partner here
than his son moved in after me
so I started washing up as I’m only washing ours anyway
but than his gf moved in a few months after
and now we have his other child here for the summer holidays
everyone just leaves their washing basket outside my bedroom for me to do
i got to a stage I said to myself I ain’t doing it
and ignored it
but the baskets stayed in the hallway just getting fuller and fuller
and I couldn’t stand looking at it anymore so I caved in
i like a clean house and I ain’t use to this as I was solo before and lived alone
I’ve spoken about it before and he moans about how no one helps but I can live with doing it all if I felt it’s worth it and I’m happy
but I’m sad and feeling rejected at times and than I feel a prat for doing it all like am I being a mug or mugged off
should I be cruel to be kind
i dont know anymore
i really don’t

OP posts:
BansheeOfTheSouth · 28/08/2025 01:22

You're being used. This man knows you are doing everything and when you didn't, he didn't clean up after his own children and son's gf. They are taking you for a mug.

If he loved you he wouldn't let you be used.

savethatkitty · 28/08/2025 01:27

You've known this guy only a year, but you've given up your life to chase him, moved in & now engaged?

Atleast he's showing you now that he's a piece of shit.

Run, don't walk back to England.

iamnotalemon · 28/08/2025 02:09

I’m sorry, I do think you should think about going back to England. You are financially reliant on him in a different country and it sounds like he is treating you like his slave. Please leave while you can. I know that sounds a bit dramatic but it won’t get any better.

AuntyVibes · 28/08/2025 08:40

I would end the relationship, it’s clear that you are not a match. Also you are not their domestic servant. The atmosphere must be awful. Is there anyone that can come and visit you from your family or friendship group, and then you go back with them, leaving for good? I would call off the engagement and get out, but you may want another person to protect you if it turns nasty whilst ending the relationship and getting out. You may want to record it secretly for your own protection. Maybe there are others that can advise from experience. I would want someone else there for support that is on your side. Good luck. I believe you gave the strength to make this change and move on with your life without this mess of a relationship with a cold man. Everyone deserves passion and love, especially in an intimate relationship.

Jerrypicker · 28/08/2025 08:44

Sounds like he wants a housekeeper and a British (or EU) passport?

teenmaw · 28/08/2025 08:53

Jesus op, this is the guy that you will be marrying. Forget that nice passionate guy that swept you off your feet, that was an absolute mask to reel you in. Unless he needs it for citizenship don’t expect a wedding, that was another tactic to romanticise this relationship. What you see is what he is and from here it will get worse not better. I bet you love the fantasy guy and once the illusion wears off in your head you will see you’re left with a using arsehole that is ripping the utter piss out of you. Sorry op, get yourself home pronto and don’t invest another ounce of energy into this man

RightOnTheEdge · 28/08/2025 09:02

You are completely incompatible. You are never going to be happy in this relationship.

Leave him and find someone who is passionate about you and appreciates you.

Do it and mean it. Don't just leave him to make him miss you and just wate your time going backwards and forwards like a yoyo.
You get one life and he is a waste of your time!

Seaoftroubles · 28/08/2025 09:28

OP is this what you want for the rest of your life? To be an unappreciated housekeeper and dogsbody? Please do not marry this man! Move back to England ASAP, stay with family and start again.You have gone into this way to fast but luckily he has now revealed his true colours and is showing you what your future looks like if you stay. Run!

TwistedWonder · 28/08/2025 10:17

savethatkitty · 28/08/2025 01:27

You've known this guy only a year, but you've given up your life to chase him, moved in & now engaged?

Atleast he's showing you now that he's a piece of shit.

Run, don't walk back to England.

This - you e rushed headlong into changing your whole life for a man you barely knew and now his true colours have shown themselves and it’s not a pretty picture.

He’s using you as a nanny with a fanny for his family - jump on the first available flight home and don’t look back.

AuntyVibes · 28/08/2025 10:35

Just wondering if this is a county where multiple marriages are legal? In case this is useful at all:
Polygyny is legal under Islamic (Sharia) law, typically allowing a man to have up to four wives, if he can treat them equally.

Indieholic2 · 28/08/2025 10:45

This is my thread but I deleted my account yesterday hoping this thread will go down as I started panicking I posted abit to much info and personal details
but it didn’t remove so I had to make a new account again to be able to reply

Indieholic2 · 28/08/2025 10:46

AuntyVibes · 28/08/2025 10:35

Just wondering if this is a county where multiple marriages are legal? In case this is useful at all:
Polygyny is legal under Islamic (Sharia) law, typically allowing a man to have up to four wives, if he can treat them equally.

No I am in a EU country
but thanks for the input

Indieholic2 · 28/08/2025 11:01

Jerrypicker · 28/08/2025 08:44

Sounds like he wants a housekeeper and a British (or EU) passport?

Edited

No not at all
i actually asked for us to move to England as I am British and I miss my home country to be honest
but he has to responsibilities here

Reanimated · 28/08/2025 11:09

Jesus, it's been a year. Cut your losses and go home before you ruin your life.

GreyCarpet · 28/08/2025 15:13

should I be cruel to be kind

Well, you're currently being cruel to yourself to be kind to him (housemaid).

The only cruelty you'd be showing him is depriving him of that housemaid.

Him providing for you financially is the price he is paying for a live in housemaid..

He did what he needed to do to secure your employment (be charming and propose) and now his whole family treats you like shit.

He doesn't like you; he doesn't appear to be attracted to you; he clearly doesn't respect you. Given all that, it's impossible that he loves you.

Still feel like you love him?

PigletSanders · 28/08/2025 15:44

savethatkitty · 28/08/2025 01:27

You've known this guy only a year, but you've given up your life to chase him, moved in & now engaged?

Atleast he's showing you now that he's a piece of shit.

Run, don't walk back to England.

This is the obvious thing to do. Any money she won’t though.

PigletSanders · 28/08/2025 15:50

Just looked at your other posts @Indieholic. Just leave. For god’s sake. And stop trying to get pregnant with that scumbag.

Indieholic2 · 28/08/2025 15:55

PigletSanders · 28/08/2025 15:50

Just looked at your other posts @Indieholic. Just leave. For god’s sake. And stop trying to get pregnant with that scumbag.

Yes I know I agree after having a good chat with a family member having a baby would be ridiculous

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