Told DH I want a divorce

[anotherglass]

Hello, I finally made the decision on the weekend and it has been communicated. I have endured years of emotional and verbal abuse and things had reached breaking point. I commnicated my decision over the weekend and he has accepted, and is making plans to move out. We've been together for 25 years. Even though this is the right move, the enormity of a break up is starting to hit me. We have to grown sons ( 19 and 22 ) who will be heartbroken. I do not have family in the UK so limited support system. My DH's family has been my family since moving here. I would appreciate a handhold to get through today as the sadness is overwhelming. x

Are you getting ducks in row re finances? I'd be wary of relying on him to continue to pay towards family home even if he says he will.

We haven't really got to the finances. What do I need to do?

Sending a hug, take things slowly, your Sons will probably know that you’ve been unhappy, yes there will be changes but you cannot live a life you aren’t enjoying or suffering from abuse.

Please see a solicitor immediately.
I am very sorry.

Be aware that he will only be out for himself now @anotherglass . Be very careful about trusting or believing anything he says.

I agree with @CharlotteRumpling that seeing a solicitor ASAP will stand you in good stead. It is worth the money to make sure you are not shafted any more than you have been already with what you have endured during the marriage.

Men like this don't like losing their control, please be careful and do what you need to keep as safe as you can. Women's Aid are not just for those who have been physically abused, they can help you navigate parting as safely as you can.

As pp get to a solicitor, do you both work?
If so do you know about pensions and things? Bank accounts?

I have booked an appointment with a solicitor. Speaking tonight. We have a seperate bank accounts and pensions though we are each other's beneficiaries in our wills. x

Sorry to hear this, OP. It's good that he agrees and is moving out. Your adult sons might understand this better than you know, and be glad for you both. For things to have reached this point means that the future will definitely be brighter. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and remembering to breathe. Good luck with the solicitor.

Too late now but most of the wise ones on MN would have probably advised to look at finances, pensions etc & get legal advice before announcing to DH that you want out!

Never mind, at least he’s moving out and you are taking legal advice.

From now on, play your cards close to your chest. Work out a flexible strategy and be prepared for fireworks and nastiness after he’s taken legal advice.

You’ll be fine if you stay resolute. I hope it all works out for you. Many of us have been there and are much happier. Good luck. 💐

Once he receives legal advice he probably won't move out of the marital home. Can you afford to buy him out? If not, the house will have to be sold.

Your sons might not be heartbroken, they are also victims of the abusive marriage.

Sending you some virtual support. You'll get a lot of very useful advice, but I hope you have a good network of friends here too.
If not, are you able to bring a close family member here to support you for a bit or can you get away once the solicitor gets everything im motion?