peeved about long-standing friend who hasn't invited me to her birthday celebrations for last few years

[webchick]

A friend whom I have known for past 15 years has snubbed me from her birthday celebrations tonight (drinks, meal in restaurant, 20odd friends, some mutual including my sister). It dawned on me today after speaking to my sister that since my friend's 30th 4 years ago, I havent been invited since. My friendship relationship with her hasnt changed any, we see each other every month or so, email, catch up on phone etc. We live 30min drive apart, she has a busy job and a time consuming sport.

My DP (whom she really doesn't like) thinks she doesn't invite me because of the chance I'll turn up with him. This train of thought pisses me off but perhaps I'm wrong about this reason. I sent her a card on weds so its not as if I have failed to remember her birthday. Also I can get babysitters so that ought not be a reason for her not to invite me.

So mn ladies, should I say something, if so what, or just keep quiet & brush it under the carpet? Aside to this she is ds's (1.5) godmother.

Maybe she had a limit of 20 (or whatever it is)and the ones who got the invites were closer friends than you are. Seeing each other every month or so when you only live 30 mins apart isn't that much is it? Or is it? I have no friends so don't know really!

Either
A) say nowt, let it pass
or
B) make a BIG point of inviting her to your birthday, saying "Oh, you didn't have a celebration this year did you???" when you invite.

I don't think the get-togethers have number limits, perhaps she regards me as a lesser friend than I do her. Otherwise I wouldn't have asked her to be ds's godmother.

I have prompted my sister to ask her this eve why I wasn't invited! So I might get an idea from her. My sister thinks its weird I'm excluded as well.

I'd say that seeing each other every month is quite a lot and you're entitled to be upset. Could you not say that you were a bit upset that she didn't invite as you'd loved to have seen her on her birthday. If she's ds's godmother she must be pretty close to you and if you trust her to care for your son you must be able to raise this with her.

Seems you've answered your own question there, she doesn't like your dp and that's the reason you haven't been invited. Tonight's celebration sounds like a friends and partners thing, so that's why you haven't been invited. When you see her once a month, is it just you and her? No chance of your dp coming along? Sorry to be nosy, but why doesn't she like your dp? Is it something you can maybe talk about and resolve?

yes its just us when we meet up plus perhaps my 2 dcs. Dp keeps a low profile & she doesn't like him because she thinks hes not good enough for me plus general personality clash. Dp is always polite but knows deep down she doesn't like him. Hes not bothered as she's my friend by choice not his.

Tonights do is for singles plus couples but not exclusively so

If she's a good enough friend to tell you that she thinks your dp isn't good enough for you (er, does that make her a good friend, I don't know, depends on why she thinks that) she's obviously a good enough friend for you to have this out with her if it bothers you enough. Otherwise, accept that we all have friends for different reasons (I have a friday 'one-more-bottle-of-house-wine-won't-hurt-us' lunch mate, a 'going for the odd coffee mate', play group mates etc etc and wouldn't be fussed if they didn't like my partner, if I had one , but my life-long bf is a different matter and if she didn't get on with a partner of mine I would need to question it. Depends on how important your friendship is and how much you value her opinion/rely on her.

despite her not liking my dp, I do enjoy her company, we always have stuff to talk about & she is god-mother so you could say she is a valued friend. I am going to see what my sister has to say tomorrow and ask said friend next time I see her why I wasn't invited.

If it then becomes awkward for her, too bad, am too long in the tooth to pander to her if dp causes her a problem.

Definitely just ask her. Then you will know. Take a deep breath and just ask her, face to face, in a calm way and have a chat about it. Good luck.