After being intentionally single for the last 5 years due to a very traumatic separation, I’ve just started to feel ready to date again. The second half of this last 5 years have been the most mentally stable of my life. Life has been so simple and joyful, being able to totally focus on my young DS and I’d almost tricked myself into thinking I was normal and forgotten how insane the beginning of relationships makes me feel. I’ve very recently started seeing someone who i really like. But I’m finding the whole thing is triggering intense feelings of self-hatred, not being good enough, fear of him finding out that I’m not the confident, stable, happy-go-lucky person I make myself out to be on dates. Then I end up pulling away and making up excuses not to meet up and thinking that I should just end it because I’m so terrified of being rejected. I know it’s linked to low self-esteem and maybe the trauma of my last relationship (although I’m pretty sure I was like this before that..but maybe worse now). Feel like it might be linked to rejection issues from my childhood too. Does anyone else intentionally sabotage relationships and do you know why you do it? How do you stop??…