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Original poster

New boyfriend is great but overworks!

19 replies

Lizzie1994 · 26/08/2025 17:30

Looking for some advice on my new relationship... We've been dating for around 3 months now, everything is great, he's attentive, thoughtful, kind and makes me feel wanted (mostly). He is 25 and I am 31, I also am a single mum. The bit that doesn't make me feel wanted is that he constantly works. He started a new business around a year and a half ago, and admittedly says he has an issue stepping away from it. He can't take any time off, and if he did it would be a week day, which is pointless as I work, but I am employeed and have no entitlement left. He said he is trying and will take a couple hours off here and there to be with me. I understand his reasons for being hesitant to take time away, he owns a Turkish Barbers so weekends are his busiest, he also has another employee who he worries about leaving as his English isn't the best yet. I can't help but worry though that I am just something to pass the time with, I keep thinking if he cared for me and took our relationship seriously he would make the time. I fear that once he feels more comfortable leaving his salon he will find someone else that's probably younger who can be more free (as I said above I have a little boy). I have had this happen to me before with a previous partner so I am a little guarded. Any honest opinions would be much appreciated!

OP posts:
ComfortFoodCafe · 26/08/2025 17:48

Sorry but youve been dating 3 months yet expect him to work less? Way to controlling! 3 months isnt even serious!

LaurieFairyCake · 26/08/2025 17:50

Isn’t the shop shut every evening? Is it also open Sundays?

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 26/08/2025 17:50

How often do you see him now? How often would you like to see him?

is your child’s father involved in his care?

Shesamaneater · 26/08/2025 17:52

3 months isn’t long. This relationship is still new. Expecting him to change his working hours; when he owns the business is pretty unrealistic. If you’re serious about him you’ll support him in his career, which is also new. I’d be hesitate to ease up working after less than a couple years opening my own business.

You chose to be with him while he works like this. Why 3 months in is it no longer acceptable?

GreenAndWhiteStripes · 26/08/2025 17:55

What about evenings - what time does he stop working and does he make an effort to spend time with you in the evenings?

The best advice is to take things slowly - don't get too serious too quickly - and see how things work out. Three months is early days.

Dozer · 26/08/2025 17:57

You want to date someone who wishes and is able to spend more time with you than he is: you’re not compatible.

rubyslippers · 26/08/2025 17:57

He’s trying to build a business
he works hard
I don’t think he should change anything for someone he’s been dating for three months 🤷‍♀️

Toomanywaterbottles · 26/08/2025 18:00

He isn’t overworking, he’s trying to build a business. You are being far too demanding after only three months. You’re not compatible.

Batelyboo · 26/08/2025 18:03

Find someone closer to your age or older with children too. Perhaps you’d be more compatible. Sounds like you’re at different stages and have different priorities.

I have dated younger men but 25 year old men are usually very…young.

Batelyboo · 26/08/2025 18:04

Has he met your son already? You said little boy so I’m thinking he’s quite young and around most of the time or does he have an active father who takes care of him while you’re on dates? I’m just thinking even for his sake you need to slow this down.

TwistedWonder · 26/08/2025 18:05

He doesn’t sound like he’s got the time to commit to a relationship right now so I’m your shoes I’d probably leave it there

Original poster
Lizzie1994 · 26/08/2025 18:13

I get why everyone is saying that I'm being to needy/demanding, I probably am. I guess I'm just getting a bit fed up/exhausted of only doing stuff in the evenings, I can't keep up with the late nights 😂 it's difficult because this is the only negative thing about him, and I know how difficult it is to meet someone you have a genuine connection with. My son does see his Dad everyone other weekend, and my boyfriend has met my son, but that's only because he has cut his hair for the last year, which is how we met.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 26/08/2025 18:14

Your expectations are unreasonable and it seems like you're rushing things and becoming controlling in the process. How many times have you seen this guy in the 3 months you've been dating if he takes no time off and your schedules don't jibe?

Of course he's not going to put a GF of a mere 3 months over his business. That's how he makes his living. You're also in different life stages. You're in your 30s with a child and he's mid 20s and single with no kids.

TooHigh · 26/08/2025 18:18

25 is pretty young still. My kids are this age and it’s a difficult time. They realise how much work they will have to do to be able to afford housing so a lot this age are super focused on work. I think it’s a good attribute to have and it’s way too early to think about whether he’s working too hard.

Toomanywaterbottles · 26/08/2025 18:44

Lizzie1994 · 26/08/2025 18:13

I get why everyone is saying that I'm being to needy/demanding, I probably am. I guess I'm just getting a bit fed up/exhausted of only doing stuff in the evenings, I can't keep up with the late nights 😂 it's difficult because this is the only negative thing about him, and I know how difficult it is to meet someone you have a genuine connection with. My son does see his Dad everyone other weekend, and my boyfriend has met my son, but that's only because he has cut his hair for the last year, which is how we met.

But it’s normal to only see people in the evenings… Do you not work full time yourself? He’s only 25! He will have, and should have, other priorities before you, and that’s how it should be. You are at different life stages.

TwistedWonder · 26/08/2025 18:52

Toomanywaterbottles · 26/08/2025 18:44

But it’s normal to only see people in the evenings… Do you not work full time yourself? He’s only 25! He will have, and should have, other priorities before you, and that’s how it should be. You are at different life stages.

Show quote history

I agree. Most people are working during the day so other dating in the evenings.

That’s completely normal imo

Original poster
Lizzie1994 · 26/08/2025 18:57

Yes I work during the day, I meant the weekends are also only in evenings.

OP posts:
PronounPenisMan · 26/08/2025 19:03

But you’re annoyed he’s only able to be off on weekdays, but you are only able to be off on weekends. So why is your way right? Maybe your need to be with someone whose shift patterns match yours if you can’t accept only seeing each other in the evenings for now

Endofyear · 26/08/2025 19:45

Most people who own their own business work long hours. If he runs a barber shop, working weekends is always going to be important - it's their busiest time. Same for people who work in retail and hospitality.

I think if you're only 3 months into a relationship and this is already a problem for you, you need to consider if he is the one for you. He's not doing anything wrong by working hard and it's unlikely to change anytime soon.

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