Why is he so angry when he was the one that left me

[LemonSquash02]

When my ex partner who is in his 40s left me 6 months ago for only reason as wasn’t happy as we bickered due to not being able to see each other much due to work he worked nights 6-2am I worked mon-fri days So he only seen children 1hour after school to me he seemed to turn very selfish nights out drinking every week which he never done, mini breaks to Benidorm with mates, never took children anywhere started dating someone 2 months later which he has stopped working as much to spend time with and then I get the backlash as he wants to pick children up later so wants to give a few hours up with his set days and times and when I say no he gets so nasty with me. Apart from that he seems very angry and bitter in general even though he was the one that left me. I’m not sure if it’s because he is having children more and making less money annd trying to fit new partner in and takes his frustration out on me. I can’t see that his life has improved apart from a new partner and I am trying not to fixate on his life even though I am heart broken so doing therapy but just don’t get the angriness and coldness to me. He tells me to stick to set days and times which I do and he doesn’t but when he asks to change and I reply stick to days and times he tells me he never wants to speak to me doesn’t have to and doesn’t need to get along yet every week he is wanting to change pick up and drop off times so then gets back in touch. I can’t understand why he says these nasty things yet he left me

Unfortunately in his eyes, you are a mistake that he regrets and the children are a tie now that he has moved on with his life. I expect he’s under pressure from the new relationship to spend more time with her but he’s angry he has to see his children.

He thought the grass would be greener in the other side but now he’s being pulled in more directions, so it’s actually more stressful for him and that’s why he’s taking it out on you.

I have no idea why this seems to happen, but seems to be a bit of a theme?! I wonder if it's easier for them to view us as the bad ones, to support the narrative in their mind and so they don't have to reflect on what they have done/why they have done it? Also seems to be an attitude on entitlement or like their lives should be made easier by everyone.

Yes, I agree with first post. He wanted for everything to be roses by discarding his life with you, but he forgot he has children.

If I was in this position, I would keep communication to a minimum (via text). I would even go as far as asking him to drop the children at the door and not to communicate - you don’t need to put up with his tantrums anymore… you are not together!

He doesn’t like you, so dislikes everything about you.

@PInkyStarfish yea I feel like the children are a burden as much as he says he loves to be with them but he is really not used to having them long periods of time especially during summer holidays as he has had to entertain them for a full day and sleep over so will be finding it difficult. I don’t think he regrets his choice to leave me as he has a new partner now but maybe didn’t think about the other responsibilities he still has

@Mumto21234 yea exactly I told him to stick to days and times as he wasn’t and because he wants to do what he wants when he wants to make his life easier he takes it out on me and will be awkward saying well I will drop them off tomorrow at 4pm when he knows I don’t finish work until 5pm then a few hours later he is fine to stick to original plan. I told him I owe him no favours as he turned my life upside down

@Silverfoxlady i have not spoke to him since he left as he said it was too awkward so I haven’t physically seen him as he drops them off on driveway and waits until they open door so never had to have a reason to see him since

@Skybluepinky yes I guess he probably does although I’ve done nothing wrong and still the mother of his children

The children are a burden to him but also he's probably pissed you didn't play the pick me dance and spend all day begging for him back.

The trash took itself out. Learn to grey rock and enjoy your life.

He thinks of the years before he had children as a golden time without responsibilities and thought that by leaving you, he could get back there. Now he blames you for not doing 100% of the parenting and allowing him to resume his carefree bachelor life.

He won't be able to stand the thought of you having any free time. If he pays any CM he will think you spend it on yourself. I've known that to be true when someone's been paying about £6 per week and seeing the kids for an hour every now and then!

@StrawberryWater i mean I did do the pick me dance at the start then I realised I now have a life as much as I’m heartbroken I would never want him back as to how selfish he has turned to be. Sometimes I don’t see myself ever getting over it.

@TeamBuffalo yes her certainly thinks I was going to have them on my own 7 nights a week like I did when he lived here but he made his bed and don’t him anything

@MounjaroMounjaro I know he already tried that the other week saying he will start and give the children the child maintenance money I had to explain what it was for so he clearly thinks it’s for me as there is always an issue every week why he can’t pay. I have stopped biting back as i have often seen through mutual friends on fb he is out in bars and I have said you can afford to pay for nights out but not children but he just tells me he nothing to do with him what he does on his nights off which is not what I’m saying but he doesn’t get it so stopped reacting

The kids are a burden, i wouldnt be suprised come a few years down the line that he doesnt see them anymore!