Husband taking trips without me

[Mummysworld25]

Do you feel if your husband is wanting to go on a trip without you they should run it by you first? Like instead of saying "Hey, Im going to (insert place) on this weekend" should they kind of ask you first if its ok if they go? Like not asking for permission just more courtesy? Or how much level of permission should be asked? Do you think the wife has a right to say something like "why are you planning all these trips but wont plan any trips with me or even a date night???" Literally hasnt even taken me to dinner in 2 years.

Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. So yes I would definitely expect things like trips away to be discussed and agreed on before either partner booked them.
Really what is the point in marriage at all if you don't work as a team and communicate and consider each other's point of view?

Yes. We always ask even though we know it’s pretty much always a yes anyway. Like you say, out of courtesy. Sounds like you need to make some plans together. It’s easy to take one another for granted.

I think it depends. If you have kids/pets where them leaving for a holiday adds extra work to your plate then yes, or if you have joint finances so the money funding the holidays comes from there then yes, but other than that no I wouldn’t say it’s really needed.

Yes he should discuss what he is planning with you and yes you should be able to ask why there is no balance in terms of solo trips and couple trips/nights out.

You need to do the same as he’s defaulting to assuming it’s ok for him.

My husband would always, without me inquiring, talk about such trips and usually ask me along too.

Yes. Even though the trips are (at the mo) almost exclusively to visit his elderly mother.

As people are very fond of saying on here, I think you have a bigger problem OP.

Yes this exactly!

However in answer to the question, we don’t ask if we can go as such, but we would say, any reason I shouldn’t book ‘x’ on ‘ y’ date. As that’s just common curtesy to someone you live with and share responsibilities with.

What sort of trips? And do you have any young kids?

When DD was younger, then me and DP would always check with each other before booking anything, but DD is 17 now, and will happily have a couple of nights home alone, so both me and DP have booked a night or two away with friends at various points and only told each other once it's already booked.

YOu have two separate issues here.

1 yes, most couples would run it past the other one to check if it's okay. Not permission but just general logistics planning. x100 if you have pets/children/other commitments

2 but no, I wouldn't normally consider it standard for one person in a couple ot do many trips away without their partner no matter how respectfully it's discussed, particularly if they don't do trips or days out or holidays WITH their partner.

You know the answer.
But as others have said, sounds like the tip of an iceberg.
You could re-phrase your question as ‘He shows me no respect, takes me for granted, does as he pleases, doesn’t want to do anything together’?

I mean my DH asks if I mind him going to the cinema, never mind away for a weekend, but we have a toddler. It’s a simple courtesy.

Not enough information. Money, kids, pets, etc.

And not every going out with you is terrible regardless.

You don't think it's really needed to tell your partner, the person you live with, have sex with and share a life with (even without kids/pets) that you're going away for a week in August, or whatever. It's just common courtesy amongst other things, otherwise you might as well be single.

We would check in to make sure we had nothing else planned rather than ask each others permission but our kids are adults now, we would have asked when they were younger and one parent going away meant the other was fully responsible for the children. We also do stuff together though, that's the bigger issue imo OP

You may want to re-read my reply and show me where exactly I said that it’s not needed to TELL a partner that you’re going away.

You’ll struggle, because that’s not what I said.

Of course you tell your partner, but if you don’t have pets/kids etc that add responsibility I wouldn’t say you need to ask permission to go on a trip. I would now as we’re married with kids and pets so me going on a holiday means my husband having to do everything but when it was just the two of us no, neither of us would think there was any need to ask permission because it wouldn’t make any material difference to the other person- there was no extra load to pick up etc. Obviously we still told each other we had a holiday booked though!

Yes, of course your husband should say to you 'I'm planning on going to X for the weekend on X'. You then have the opportunity to say 'OK, not a problem' or 'Oh had you forgotten we're going to X that weekend'. It's not asking permission, it's being courteous, and respecting your wife/husband. The fact your husband is planning multiple trips away without you, but then won't commit to taking you out for dinner, is more the issue here. Have you sat him down and asked him? I'd be wondering why these trips away are taking priority, over you. Nothing wrong at all in spending time with friends or even on our own without our husband/wife, but it shouldn't overshadow a relationship. Time for a serious conversation.

Ooops, sorry, posted to ancient thread.