dont know what I hope to achieve by writing this but I’m at my wits end .
husband has been struggling with physical and mental health on and off for two years . He won’t take medication for depression and there is no medication for his physical illness.
I hope I am a supportive partner and always offer to take on most things at home so he can rest . I also make it known that I’m there for him to talk to and will always be there for him .
I feel selfish for feeling this way but I’m feeling so lonely . Sometimes he can be short and not speak much which I know is a symptom of his health atm . Which is why I feel bad for feeling resentful . This morning I spent time talking with him , holding him and trying to discuss some solutions . This afternoon he’s barely talking to me . I just feel so sad that the man I married isn’t there anymore and then I feel guilty for feeling upset over it all . I feel cross when he makes an effort with the kids but not with me . I get the brunt of everything. I miss having a partner who compliments me , laughs with me and wants to be around me . The depression makes me feel like he tolerates me and that I irritate him . I am prone to being anxiously attached and I have tried to give him space when he needs it . I’ve started thinking about what it would be like to feel loved and also to feel looked after in the way I look after everyone else . I can’t communicate this as he isn’t in a good place to take it well .
I just feel like I’m heading towards depression myself if this continues …
just so sad …