Close contact with ex

[TotallyUnacceptable12]

How much is too much when being friendly / on good terms with an ex. A boyfriend / girlfriend that is not a major partner, ex spouse.

Name changed for this. Posting for opinions for my friend as we don't agree on this one. He's male so putting it out for the wise advice on MN for him.

If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend who is a relatively new relationship for you, i'm talking in the six months mark but always been exclusive and going well. How OK would you be with your girlfriend being friends with their last ex? This friendship involves them going ovet to their exes place.

My friend is a bit taken aback as his gf was upfront with him in that she stayed there a bit too late and ended up sleeping there. It's a one bed place...yes they shared a bed.
She was upfront about it and is adamant no sex took place.

My friend is upset but is going to forgive and move on having considered breaking it off.

That is way too intimate and unacceptable for me. I couldn't forgive i dont think.

No thank you

That would be my view. He's letting it go reluctantly

The trust is gone, he is constantly going to be wondering ‘what if’, that’ll turn in to paranoia, tension and arguments. Just tell him to save himself the rollercoaster.

I'd be wary of anyone who was friends with their most recent ex. There needs to be a significant period of time apart before any genuine friendship can develop, because there are too many other feelings involved immediately after the break up. And often one side will be hoping for more than friendship really.

I've found it takes at least 10 years to pass before I can truly be friends with an ex - not even joking!

And as for exes I'd spend the night with in their bed - yeah, that would be none. So if a bf did that, it would be game over for me. At the very least it shows a willingness to give mixed messages.

I'm friends with some of my exes - I would never stay overnight in their house or vice versa, despite my friendships being platonic, you can never get past the fact that there was intimacy in the past and so the optics are all wrong. Someone who cared about their other half would be sensitive to that fact and would be making sure they didn't ever entertain staying overnight with an ex.

Absolutely true
I have never managed to remain friends with an ex
. That's because it is just far too awkward in the immediate aftermath. And then you just stay emotionally involved. If you don't have a significant period apart before trying to start a friendship

I also can't think of any of my exes that I would be friendly enough to go over to their place.Let alone stay the night. How I don't think there are many.I would even agree to have coffee with.

I have told him. But at the end of the day, you can't tell someone what to do. I just hope it doesn't end in heartbreak.For him and he wishes he d cut his losses now

Even if they didn't have sex, it's extremely intimate to share a bed with someone. Someone you've been intimate with already.

How did she end up staying there?So late that she couldn't go home. Were they drinking.

Did they get undressed in front of each other, did they see each other naked?Did he lend her a t shirt to wear. It's all very romantic and sounds like boyfriend and girlfriend never ended if they're still that comfortable with each other.

He had to give her an ultimatum and say while you are with me , you do not sleep in anyone else's bed

That should have gone without saying

That would indicate to me that the feelings are still there and they’re not ready for a new relationship. 6 months isn’t long at all and if they are giving mixed messages I wouldn’t want to be the new partner in that dynamic.
Sleeping in the same bed is a hard no. Unacceptable. Taxis are a thing.

Yes that is a good point. Taxis have always been a thing. Not even sure they live that far apart so it wouldn't have been an expensive ride.

My friend seems really into this woman but she doesn't seem to reciprocate. How into a newsh partner can you possibly be if you're still hanging around your ex and going over to their place. Even if she hadn't stayed the night and went home late.It's still a red flag for her to be still going over to her ex's home.Just the two of them.