Does anyone have any "strong minded and verbally strong friendships?
In the last 2 years, I met some lovely friends when I was single, we shared a lot of emotional hurt from our pasts/upbringing and it was nice to be able to have this in others. One friend mentioned she liked me when I was vulnerable more and not this strong indpedenent person, I guess when I was at my lowest she wanted me to lean on her and liked it too.. I noticed we didnt have much in common per se as my lifestyle was always about fitness and being outdoors, theirs quite the opposite but it didnt stop me wanting to not see them as I felt they were kind albeit intense though more so the single one out of the three I had as friends.
Since meeting my partner, one friend has subtly told me he is controlling, told my other friend he is, mentioned he's a red flag and that he is obsessive. Now personally speaking, Im not seeing this, we spend a great deal of time together but also my partner has taken me away a lot, which meant less time seeing my friends, but I still saw them, never once has he said dont see them... We are living together and have had a few issues mainly related to his ex partner which we have, i think now resolved which took a while. He is fun to be around, we go skiing together, play tennis, go out on the bikes, so we just have fun and the love of our dog too.
However its left me now questioning my friends, more so x3 of them, one is single and had a violent ex and single for over 20 years now, doesnt want to meet anyone ever again, the other friend is married 14 years but lives separate lives and the other has an abusive mother in law with a husband who treats her very unkindly at times. However never have I once mentioned its wrong or judged, only been there listening when times have been tough. The one who is single is very very angry still after 20 years and has a fiery temper which when crossed is scary. She has a strong opinion on many things.
For me its different now, when i went through a tough patch with my partner, I confided in the single one (maybe not the best idea due to her views on things, but at the time it felt right as i have always been there for her) however she told me to dump my partner and leave him straight away only for me to think, hold on we just had a row over a few things its not a deal breaker, she said its a red flag get out and I will never unhear what you told me, just be warned!! to then go on to say the other friend pre warned me about him.
I feel distant now towards them and havent met up with them since its been a month, I feel mistrust and also happy to live my own life with my partner and other friends who are so much nicer to be around and not judgemental. Whenever we have a row, now its rare, as we are not resolving lots of things, I will keep this to ourselves or work it out alone.
I feel maybe too I have changed. Its sad but also feel its the right time for change and move away from them as this has really made me look at them differently and assume we are just different in who we are but also quite sad too. Even though I have been there for them and not judged them at all, this however is different.
Anyone else had this too?