This is my thread from a wee while ago, April in fact. I decided to post in Relationships as well to get different opinions.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/sex/5308295-help-with-erectile-dysfunction-ed?latest=1
Well... we ended up having a bit of a disagreement, not related to the ED, but it did lead to me walking away. I decided to give it another shot after we talked, this was around two months back.
It's all gone horribly wrong, if you like, but I now realise that there is a lot more going on with this person than health-related issues... I already had some odd kind of feeling or intuition, if you like, about some of his behaviour around his phone, but brushed it off.
Then quite recently I noticed a message over his shoulder to his daughter telling her that his most recent blood sugar reading from a couple of months back was in fact in the diabetic range, not just pre-diabetic. The date of this message basically tallied with him telling me he was "borderline". In the meantime I had been trying to help and advise him on eating well, cutting back on sugar and fat consumption. I noticed he had mentioned the ED to her as well.
Unfortunately it started to become very clear that he was stuck in his ways and wasn't even going to try to get healthy. And was sometimes a bit snarky when I tried to recommend healthier options and choices.
I was much more concerned about him getting seriously ill, as in a stroke, heart attack, vision loss, amputation and kidney failure... all the horrendous complications of this diagnosis, however, than ED. I just didn't want him to go on medication. ED was the very least of my concerns, as I had really started to become really fond of him. So fond of him that I was planning on asking him to move in with me next year.
I backed off a fair bit, but worried that he wasn't telling me the whole story.
So I snooped on his phone. I'm so, so glad that I did as it seems he has been using a lot of porn. Violent Hentai porn, looking at photos of random teens, paying for cam girls, looking at photos of prostitutes (two specific ones in a part of the UK that he visits once or twice a year actually, and repeatedly the same photo), researching how much prostitutes get paid based on appearance, hair colour etc. He appears to have a couple of very odd fetishes involving long hair being forcibly cut or shaved off. He also appears to be looking at photos of his ex wife the minute he wakes up and/or gets home from work, which I find really odd. There is also a secret Gmail account, which I was unable to access. Many links to receipts for Google Play, which looks as if it's for camgirl stuff, but going to the secret email as no sign of them in his "regular" email.
Even more upsetting, a couple of weeks ago, some of this activity, including looking at prostitutes, was whilst I was sleeping in the room next door due to his snoring. There had been zero attempt at penetrative sex with me for several weeks and I had backed off making any sexual advances towards him, although I was still being passionate now and then and hoping something might just happen.
I tried to discuss it face to face with him, beating around the bush a little, but he denied what I did bring up..... then we had a text exchange where I told him what I knew. He has basically denied it all, accused me of being insensitive about his ED, that the porn is all pop ups, as are the prostitutes. I know for a fact that none of this stuff is adverts. They are all highly specific searches.
He has even accused me of being the one who has a problem as I enjoy biting and spanking. And that he only looks at his ex wife to "remind him that he possibly may have found something better in some ways".
The last statement sealed the deal. I've walked and I'm not looking back. Not once has he said he loves me and can't bear to lose me. He doesn't care.
I've been told I'm jumping to conclusions. I don't think walking away is a mistake at all. The kind, considerate and honest person who kept telling me he is loyal is just a facade. And the shift in the way he has spoken to me is very noticeable. Although I guess the latent hostility is guilt, shame and anger at being found out.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far!