If he has female friends …

[Breadandsticks]

If your male partner has female friends, do you have any rules?

I don’t have close male friends. My partner has a few females he is close with, but recently he keeps talking a lot about his female colleague, they have been friends since I met him.

He says things like
“all the guys fancy her” and “she’s a good looking girl but single”. And he keeps bringing up the times she implied that she liked him.

It’s making me feel uncomfortable. I told him and he said he won’t speak about her or any other female. I told him that won’t be healthy for our relationship, I like that we are able to share these things.

I want to understand the sudden obsession with her - but he tells me there is nothing there. It’s like he can’t understand why it’s upsetting me.

I really don’t want to feel upset - but I can’t help it.

Tips please.

My DH and I both have friends of the opposite sex and it has never been a problem. However, he has never banged on about how attractive they are or how much they fancy him. In fact, over time, I’ve become good friends with his female friends and vice versa. They are all really sound and not the kind of people to chase other people’s partners. How long have you been with your partner? It kind of sounds like he’s trying to make you concerned.

Yep, same as above.

The way your partner talks about this woman is objectifying and not how anyone would talk about a friend. He also sounds like he’s about 13.

So he has mentionitis about his good-looking crush who fancies him??

@Breadandsticks, he knows exactly what he is doing. He is setting up an ego triangle with his 2 adoring, competing women. He gets a buzz from putting you on the back foot

I dare say he would go nuclear if you were repeatedly mentioning your handsome coworker who fancies you.

This would not be the man for me. I don’t like immature jerks who thrive on flirtations, lap up illicit thrills, and enjoy rubbing my nose in it.

I agree with you all. I think that is why I feel uncomfortable because it feels like he is testing me and expecting me to react. But I freeze instead, which is rubbish.

Ive pointed out that it doesn’t upset me that he has female friends or that I’m hearing about it, but the specific way he talks about them.

He surely isn't allowed any female friends at all ? I'd suggest he gets a second job seeing as hes got time for female friends. Perhaps another job all night ? Sounds like the way forward.

We agreed that we would never say anything to any friend that we would be embarrassed to say in front of each other. Works pretty well.

Emotional affair, look it up
Boundaries, make sure he knows yours
Ideally calm non judgementental discussion about the aboven

Red flags all over this. There’s no point having ‘rules’ if this is his character in the first place. Find yourself someone with much more integrity.

How long have you been together?

The only rules really are 'dont have sex with them' but thats the same for all friends, regardless of sex or gender 🤷‍♂️

Emotional affair, look it up
Boundaries, make sure he knows yours
Ideally calm non judgementental discussion about the aboven