Hi all
not sure what the point of my post is I’m just a bit fed up and seeking what others thoughts woukd be on my situation.
Been with my partner 6 years we have two children together (3&4months). I feel distant and pretty switched off from him most the time. He’s changed from the person I initially met if I am honest he has a very short temper and gets angry easily which doesn’t help my anxiety as I feel I’m constantly worrying things may set him off… although I feel stuck like I don’t know how I’d move on? And that msybe I’m over thinking? He works away 2 weeks home / 2 weeks away and if I’m honest the time away sometimes feels better for me although I’m alone with two kids we are in a better routine / I’m not worrying about stupid things that may make him angry etc. I am at thoughts of ending this relationship however when I have mentioned this before to him he says I cannot leave him and he won’t let me. I feel pretty stuck.
Some examples of recent things which I am unsure but feel myself deep down aren’t exactly a loving relationship -
when I was pregnant, working full time & had just looked after our toddler for 2 weeks myself - I went to bed a few days after he was home for a nap and was called a lazy c**t
When I was in labour with our youngest he kept leaving the room and disappearing because he was ‘nervous’, once baby was born I was rushed to theatre for complications when I returned he was saying how tired he was and how he had to leave at 6pm to go and get rest at a hotel (he could have stayed till 11pm wiyh me) the next day he moaned about how much of an awful sleep at this hotel he had (even though he hadn’t replied to my messages once) and how tired he felt, he left me with the baby that night and every other night with no offer of help knowing what I’d just went through.
we went on holiday a few weeks back the plane journey was pretty stressful as our baby cried most the way he said ‘I won’t even be f**king going here again’ (we went to visit my family in Spain) I was already stressed trying to calm our baby and I ended up on tears on the flight & got no apologies or any type of acknowledgement from him.
when he’s home after being away he constantly looks for things for himself to do in the garden or out and about and gets annoyed if I don’t keep our toddler son inside when all he wants to do is help/be with his dad - this ends in an argument and I’m told he’s trying to do things for us in the garden to make it better for us… even tho it’s his own projects.
stupid one but this is the kind of stuff daily!! The toilet in my ensuite was continually running, he said to me why’s it doing that, I told him it’s happened before and stops itself but no he has to go on ‘fix it’ in the progress shouting and swearing saying I broke it.
I’m currently trying to sort out children’s rooms and spoke with my mum about my plans to move baby to room closer and our other child to a different room he heard me planning it all, then he said that wasn’t happening and I had to put baby in room further away (which I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with) he says I want everything my way or I fall out with him. He’s also not contributing anything towards the new furniture etc when I’ve told him how much it’s all cost.
Sounds petty however we have always split bills 50/50 which was fair enough when I was working full time however he is earning a good wage and a lot more than me now I’m on maternity leave, he doesn’t pay anymore for bills and is left with a lot more money than I am each month when I’ve brought up before about it being a bit unfair given my wages are very much reduced / he always speaks about how he’s good with money / how much savings he has. If I’m honest I’ve had to use a lot of my savings due to x2 maternity’s I have had with our children but he doesn’t seem to realise this?
He gets on at me about sex. I have been having on/off bleeding after having our baby and do not enjoy having sex whilst bleeding, he says he doesn’t mind and continually says ‘tonight I’m bored of asking’ all day he makes comments about us having sex even if I’ve refused and said I don’t want too as I’m bleeding. Sometimes I may say msybe tomorrow then if that day comes round and it doesn’t happen he calls me a liar
he is adamant we are having more children when it’s me who does 90% of the work, he states he changed his ‘life’ for me and I owe him that (he got a job offshore) hsrdly lifechanging as he wasn’t happy where he was and we knew it would work better for childcare. But always says it was ‘for me’. If I say I’m happy with the two we have he gets really cross with me saying I lied and said I wanted a big family - yes initially I did before the mental load of being a mum of 2 hit me!
ive reached out a few times to try and get him to understand my struggles / I’m on antidepressants but he never seems to want to speak about that or how I feel. I don’t feel supported by him.
he’s told me I have to go back 3 days per week at work as I had said initially I’d go back 2 days and pick up some extra work when he’s home but he doesn’t seem happy by this.
He is a good dad to our two when he’s not got anger issues- sometimes he goes off at our 3 year old which I feel is totally unacceptable and have said he needs to speak to a doctor about his anger towards me/other people, he won’t. He changes nappies, does some feeds, takes the kids out himself sometimes, does shopping, cleaning etc however I do the minority and I don’t think he appreciates how much I hold down when he’s working away. As he does more than some dads I feel he does look ‘good’ to others however I feel I get 0 support for him. Our youngest had CMPA which wasn’t diagnosed straight away baby was very upset the first few weeks of her life and all he said was ‘poor baby’ I don’t feel he had any regard for me going through postpartum and a screaming baby - I’m never really taken into consideration:(
I don’t know if this will pass but I’m really struggling it’s like I’ve another child and constantly on edge with things / he gets angry if the shoe cupboard isn’t tidy when he’s home things like that make my anxiety so bad when I know he’s coming home, likely sounds stupid, I run around trying to sort everything as I worry something may annoy him when he’s home and end up in shouting/an argument.
Just looking to see if anyone has anything similar in their relationship and if it’s got better over time? I know having two young children is stressful as it is just feel like we are constantly against each other rather than working together.
thank you x