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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling to get over heartbreak

7 replies

SunsetSunrise22 · 24/08/2025 23:28

My ex partner of 13 years of who I have 2 DC with left me in April. He said he was sick of bickering and wasn’t happy which is fair enough in reality I wasn’t happy due to him changing jobs 2 years ago I work 8-4 he worked 5-1am so we didn’t see each other and I kept asking him to spend time with me and dc as we seen each other 1 hour a night all week it was really getting to me so yes i was moody but he always thought I was having a go. I am still so heartbroken but seems like he is so happy. He is in his 40s and Since he left been on 2 lads holidays goes out twice a week on night outs which he hadn’t ever went out as was never interested in it met someone else 6 weeks after who he sees 1 night a week on a Wednesday. He still has no money still living with his mum he is obviously having to have children more than he was used to as they were with me every night when he lived here and trying to work still as a taxi driver. My point is I just feel so hurt that he can dedicate a night out for her once a week and wouldn’t do it for me and his dc and was whole reason I was unhappy I am struggling to move past the accepting he’s moved on to how could he do this in the first place when all I ever asked was for him to spend time with us. He acts like he totally hates me now but it was hard for me to accept he came out of a ltr and straight into another one. I know already I have a better life as I have lost 3 stone I can go to gym I have a social life I have more money decent job and do more things with children but I sit and cry every night feeling so worthless like how he could leave me and his new life has not improved yet I made him unhappy. Sorry for long post

OP posts:
Painrelief · 24/08/2025 23:31

He’s still on his best behaviour at the moment with her . If he’s going out with his mates and having lad holidays it won’t be long til he drops his once a week seeing her .

SunsetSunrise22 · 24/08/2025 23:38

@Painrelief he seems to have dropped his mates for her now. Her children don’t even live with her due to DV and social were involved and she’s waiting to get them back. I don’t understand how can go from a loving family and he got on with all my family to being with someone who doesn’t have own children living with her and has fell out with all her family but he keeps saying to me she a lovely person and doesn’t get on with her family. It’s like he is a totally different person and flipped his life around

OP posts:
SunsetSunrise22 · 24/08/2025 23:48

Also to add at the very start I set out set days for routine and yet nearly every week he asks me to swap and change days so he can work then I find out he’s been out with mates or out with her. Every week there is an issue with him paying for the children as said he hasn’t made enough but he manages to go out on drink and when I say how come you can afford to take time off to go on drink with her and mates but have to swap days and don’t pay for children he says I say and do anything to have a go. And then every week i get same message stick to days and times and then we don’t need to communicate like he hates me and wants me out of his life then he always messages to change. Can people really change overnight into being so nasty I don’t understand why I cry so much and he’s moved on in a matter of weeks

OP posts:
SunflowerTed · 25/08/2025 01:24

he Has done you a favour. Seems like he checked out if your marriage a while ago. Let him crack on - it won’t last x

Thatsthebottomline · 25/08/2025 10:48

SunflowerTed · 25/08/2025 01:24

he Has done you a favour. Seems like he checked out if your marriage a while ago. Let him crack on - it won’t last x

I absolutely agree. He sounds like hes acting like hes 14 or something. You dont need to waste time thinking for the reasoning if his behaviour. Let him go.

He's decided that his happiness lies elsewhere, and you should view this as an opportunity to get rid of someone who checked out a while ago.

Pumpkinpie1 · 25/08/2025 11:00

Have you gone through CMS about his contributions ? If he’s being unreliable about paying for his kids this might save you a lot of grief.
He sounds awful. Sometimes no man is better than …….
You and your children deserve better OP stop wasting your breathe on him . His GF is foolish getting involved with a married albeit separated Manchild

SunsetSunrise22 · 25/08/2025 14:50

@Pumpkinpie1 he is self employed taxi driver so he will not declare all his income as some of it is cash. He has turned so horrible to me he was the one that informed me that his new partner doesn’t have her children at present as her mam rang social services and she had to pick care or her mam then when he wants my children to meet her I say no as I need proof and then he says they haven’t been took off her they have just been living with her mam for 12 months until her ex gets sentenced. Then when I say my reasons why I don’t want them introduced baring in mind it’s been 3 month he says I’m a horrible person and she is really nice and I know nothing about her

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