DH is upset I don’t want to sleep in the same bed as him anymore.

[erm]

So DH and I are in our early 50s and we are just not sleep compatible. As I write this he is fast asleep and I am awake, not through choice but because I am in a lot of pain. This is what it’s like most nights for me, I’ll have shooting pains up and down my legs and my hips and back will ache (and other parts of me too). So it takes me ages to fall asleep. DH will moan about the light from my phone (I read or scroll to try to take my mind off the pain).

in addition, he moans at me about sleeping away from him as my snoring wakes him up, but this is my sore side. I toss and turn in my sleep trying to get comfy or the pain will wake me. He’s always boiling hot and I’m always cold so we have different duvets/blankets and he whinges if mine ends up on his side. Oh he’s also got a fan on down low just now too.

So I had said I’ll go sleep in DDs room when she goes off to uni and he wasn’t happy saying it’s the death of a relationship and he likes sleeping next to me (really all he does is complain). We don’t have that much sex that our sex life will be affected (it’s died a bit since one of our DC said she’s heard us, we have DC on 2 of our paperthin bedroom walls)

Ah I feel you. I’ve suggested separate bedrooms before because my husband snores, I have a lot of pain sometimes and feel I can’t roll over. I’d like to watch the telly in bed, husband doesn’t want to. We discuss it, he says he wants me with him, and we carry on as we are. So I have no advice, I just want to say I feel you xx I know we’d sleep soooo much better separately!

sounds like you ar3 having a tough time.
What is causing your pain and have you spoken to the doctor about your snoring?

Separate bedrooms doesn't mean the end of a relationship or the end of sex. It sounds like you're not getting enough sleep at the moment and your nights sound really uncomfortable. You'd feel a lot happier and more relaxed if you got more sleep so I think he's being selfish.

What about agreeing a couple of nights that you sleep together?

How about a compromise where you sleep separately during the week but share a bed at the weekend (for example)?

We slept separately for years, mostly because of his snoring. It didn’t affect anything and we both slept better.

What if you suggested you e.g. sleep in the same bed at the weekend, or if you aren't in pain you go to bed in the same place or similar? Lots of couples I know are happier once they had separate bedrooms - they get more sleep so have more energy to give to their relationships.

we sleep separately and it’s bliss! Still have a good relationship and sex.

Separate bedrooms is elite, do it for yourself.

@Gabitule I think we are going to try the weekend sleeping together thing, weekdays apart
@Chiconbelge I have fibromyalgia so I’m in constant pain despite medication, yes it’s rubbish but I’ve been like it for years. I’ve had so many therapies but nothing helps.

@erm my sleep would come first.
He sounds pretty selfish . All about his needs and wants .while he sleeps happily . Very unfair

Me and DH sleep seperately, early 40's. Hasn't affected our sex life at all. Just we both get a decent sleep. Still sleep together on hols or when travelling which is quite a lot but seperate rooms at home mainly. He sometimes sleeps in our room but hes a really bad snorer, awaiting surgery for deviated septum so generally sleeps in guest room but its sleep only. Does everything else here, chat in bed, showers gets dressed etc

Me and DH sleep seperately, early 40's. Hasn't affected our sex life at all. Just we both get a decent sleep. Still sleep together on hols or when travelling which is quite a lot but seperate rooms at home mainly. He sometimes sleeps in our room but hes a really bad snorer, awaiting surgery for deviated septum so generally sleeps in guest room but its sleep only. Does everything else here, chat in bed, showers gets dressed etc

Me and DH sleep seperately, early 40's. Hasn't affected our sex life at all. Just we both get a decent sleep. Still sleep together on hols or when travelling which is quite a lot but seperate rooms at home mainly. He sometimes sleeps in our room but hes a really bad snorer, awaiting surgery for deviated septum so generally sleeps in guest room but its sleep only. Does everything else here, chat in bed, showers gets dressed etc

Me and DH sleep seperately, early 40's. Hasn't affected our sex life at all. Just we both get a decent sleep. Still sleep together on hols or when travelling which is quite a lot but seperate rooms at home mainly. He sometimes sleeps in our room but hes a really bad snorer, awaiting surgery for deviated septum so generally sleeps in guest room but its sleep only. Does everything else here, chat in bed, showers gets dressed etc

Me and DH sleep seperately, early 40's. Hasn't affected our sex life at all. Just we both get a decent sleep. Still sleep together on hols or when travelling which is quite a lot but seperate rooms at home mainly. He sometimes sleeps in our room but hes a really bad snorer, awaiting surgery for deviated septum so generally sleeps in guest room but its sleep only. Does everything else here, chat in bed, showers gets dressed etc

Me and DH sleep seperately, early 40's. Hasn't affected our sex life at all. Just we both get a decent sleep. Still sleep together on hols or when travelling which is quite a lot but seperate rooms at home mainly. He sometimes sleeps in our room but hes a really bad snorer, awaiting surgery for deviated septum so generally sleeps in guest room but its sleep only. Does everything else here, chat in bed, showers gets dressed etc

We are happily married but sleep separately. He snores terribly and I wake up at 5…. But I generally only decamp once he’s literally closed his eyes and I’m through like a rocket in the morning to see him. ❤️

sounds to me like sharing a bed with a moaning bloke while you’re in pain and not getting enough sleep is more likely to be the death of your relationship. Why on earth does he think it would harm your relationship if you’re not in the same bed as him when he’s unconscious?

Then do it.

Sleep is hugely important and I am fed up with these man-babies that can't sleep on their own (except they're usually out like a light whether you're there or not)

Me amd my partner are 36 and 39 and sleep seperatley 🤣 I have a lot of joint issues which wakes me and I like to sprawl in weird positions. He used to snore before he lost some weight. Honestly...I love it. We both sleep loads better and tbh just have sex like in the day or early evening. Sometimes he 'visits' my bed 🤣🤣🤣 its no issue at all.