No family

[PerkyOchrePeer]

Im not young but I'm not old. My parents passed away some years ago. I have no siblings or children. Im not in contact with any cousins as I come from a dysfunctional family. I have no partner and not actively looking for one. I have one or two friends but they have their own families. Is it possible to get by in life as I am? I still work

Why would women with families not want to make friends with you? I have a family but also many single friends. I don't want to spend all my time with my family.
TLDR: of course you can get by.

Im not saying they don't but at the end of the day their family comes first

Hobby groups? So that if one person flakes, another turns up?

I have hobbies and do attend groups and spend a lot of time cleaning my home and watching films and soaps which I know is fiction but it takes me away from my own life whilst focussing on the lives of others on a soap or movie. Its a bit of escapism. I went to a group yesterday and was bored. It was not my thing. It was a restaurant meal. The food was expensive and horrible and although the people were friendly, they were not people I would chose and I thought it's not worth going to a group just for the sake of company when they aren't your type of people.

I'm in the same boat or very similar boat. I'm 57 single female in East Lincs.

To make my loneliness more difficult, for 18 mo the I have been out if work due to Long term sickness (Long Covid) and other health issues.

I have limited mobility to travel far (and limited income due to now being on benefits).

Prior to Long Covid I had worked for nearly 40 years, and most of my previous chums were made via work connections.

I joined my local Slimming Club to try and lose weight / improve my health / meet people and although it is good that it gets me out of the house, I've only met "acquaintances" who I talk to whilst in the group. No one has become a friend outside of the group (the rest of them are all narried or partnered).

I've also found attitudes of my former work chums devalues me as a human being now that I'm not in work, and on long term sickness and disability benefits.

No UK family, a few cousins and Aunts and Uncles in America and Australia (Facebook chums).

I have also found:
(a) ladies who have husbands and partners really don't want extra gooseberry single friends
and
(b) like you OP, I also watch a lot of soaps, films, drama TV shows because I like the escapism and watching other (fictional) people's lives. Also with the soaps, it feels as if the regular characters are sort of "people who I know"

If you are happy then of course you can get by in life as you are.
Are you truly happy with your life op?
My only concern would be is having help and support as you age.

OP I think that must be very difficult at times. I’m sorry.

I am also single and childless though I have siblings and some good friends. Friends are a mixture of married and single, with and without children. The ones who are with children I definitely see less of so I know what you mean - that is just this stage of life though and one day the kids will fly the nest.

In the meantime I think you are doing the right thing with your activities, slimming world etc. Though you may have only made acquaintances so far you never know when one might become more than that!

Are there any other things you might enjoy doing where you could meet people? How about yoga or a gym? Or art classes?? Or would you consider going on group holidays - walking tours or cooking holidays or something? They can be very bonding.

Edited - sorry, Slimming World was a different poster 🙄

I think you are getting me mixed app with the other poster who goes to slimming world because I do not go to slimming world and i can get out and about. I also do not have the same view about soap characters feeling that i know them. I know their character but also realise they are fictional

Yes, I edited immediately to say I was sorry I had got slimming world muddled with the other poster!

The suggestions for meeting people still stand though, do any of them appeal to you?

I'm similar but older late 60s now. The difference is I have siblings and their families, but that doesn't mean much now even though we are all on good terms. Everyone is in their own little bubble I find. My siblings with their kids and grandkids and the nieces and nephews with their own families and juggling work, school runs and so on. So it's really only once or twice in the Summer that we catch up and in the lead up to Christmas. I go away for Christmas and love it since I feel like a bit of a lemon amongst the happy families!.

I have developed good resilience and now quite enjoy my own company and go away a good bit on my own and find it very easy to chat to others. Few want to "make friends" though as it can be hard work fitting a new person into an already existing network. I am not lonely, I do enjoy my life and have a couple of friends for a lunch or walk etc. Luckily I am financially stable and have no worries on that score. Health is good for my stage in life and fitness levels are OK too.

It's a perennial issue, people want to make friends, but others are not prepared to put in the effort to get to know someone on that level much anymore as they already have their networks established. There are many older and not so old women who for one reason or another are solo. Have to make it work though!

I do have POA in place and I know my attorneys will observe my wishes. Finding one for those who don't have family is a challenge. The only thing I can think of is using the solicitor who drafts your will, giving them a letter of wishes that they can observe if needed on your behalf.

If you want someone to share you’re life with that’s no a friend- do you really not want a partner because tbh that sounds like what you’re after

I think you are getting me they don't really appeal..im not interested in yoga or art or doing a walking tour. I have taken group holidays in the past

What part worries you? Is it aging alone?

Why wouldn’t you be able to? I’m NC with all of my family and I get by

What does appeal to you then?

I do get by but when others speak of family i sometimes think I wish I had that. I do have a few cousins but not seen them in over 40 years. I was in touch with one cousin who lives 2 hours from me and we were close as kids, but as adults we are very different and have nothing in common. My cousins lifestyle is very different to mine , so I just decided not to bother anymore. I used to go to my cousins house to see his family but the house was always like a pigsty and they were always apologising for the state of the place.they are quite well off people but are hoarders a d keep piles of shoes in their kitchen and clothes thrown everywhere and a pet cat who they basically ignored except for feeding so the cat ran away and they weren't even bothered. I stopped trying to have them in my life and now haven't seen them for 3 years after my cousin got arrested for belonging to an activists group and causing trouble

I have become close friends with my single next door neighbour - we aren’t in each others pockets but if she needed help I would drop everything for her, like she is my big sister. Sometimes found family is the best. Keep trying , these friendships can pop up unexpectedly

I understand this position @PerkyOchrePeer My situation is not dissimilar.

I think all you can do is to try to keep making friends. The bond which @WifeOfAGemini has developed with her neighbour sounds lovely.

Maybe have a think about where you might like to live when you are older too. Look at moving into sheltered accommodation or a retirement village type place earlier than you might have done if you had had family to support you.

I'm sorry - I really do sympathise, as I know it's a tough position to be in.