Where to start. Feel like my relationship is a mess. Been with partner for almost 10 years. It's never been a calm relationship. Any periods of stress seems to bring out the worst of us like buying a house, getting a dog.
Things were very bad 2/3 years ago where I felt he was controlling and had a few big fights where he punched walls and intimidated me when we were stressed with the puppy. His outbursts are always my fault as I would have got wound up and shouted back at him. We did break up for 6 months last year. I stupidly took him back thinking he had realised what he had been treating me like. Things were good for the first few months but I could feel him starting to speak to me worse the last few months and just making me feel stupid all the time for small things. He is now facing losing his job and we ended up having a huge argument last week.
He said he hates his life and basically saying he wants to kill himself because what's the point, his life it shit. Saying that he doesn't feel safe in the house as he doesn't know what he will do to himself living with me. Feel like he's blaming me for feeling suicidal. He went crazy and threw a jar of coffee at the wall then stormed out. I ended up having to apologise as it was my insensitive comments and arguing that led to it apparently.
I really feel like I can't mentally go through this again and I feel worn down. He didn't apologise for this as he thinks he's justified in his behaviour. I feel trapped as he is losing his job and will probably have to sell the house he loves but I just can't do it anymore. Think everyone's going to think I am a horrible person for leaving him when he is already losing his job too but they don't have to put up with his mood swings. He says I love to twist it so he's horrible and I am the victim. I feel like maybe he is right and it's all my fault and I just need to get out of my head. I just need some external opinions on the situation as my friends and family obviously take my side