How do you overcome emotional abuse?

[Shs726]

I walked away (properly). I couldn’t do it anymore.

The 4 years of marriage:

• Pulled my hair and push me around but claimed he was never physical because he hadn’t punched or kicked me and stop acting as if a victim of DV
• would prevent me from leaving by blocking the door
• square up to me
• Says your parents don’t love you
• says you enjoyed getting rped (I was never rped but I told him about a time someone touched my breasts without my consent and I was really upset).
• Throw water and urine soaked tissue on me
• Left me stranded in a foreign country
• Kicked me out the house many times and took away keys
• throws my belongings outside
• any time it’s an event or my bday he starts a fight and then refuses to attend said event because I acted up
• breaks my stuff
• names calls such as wh*re etc
• Insulted my appearance many times
• Laughs at me
• Screams in my face
• Accuses me of sleeping around
• Questions me on everything .. why you sitting on this sofa? Why do you lock the bathroom door? Why is the light on? I always felt on edge
• Tells me his exes are prettier and better

Yet each time I’d walk away or refuse to return after he kicked me out .. (one time I went no contact with him for 3 months as I blocked and deleted him) … he would do the nice guy act. Says he’s sorry and how he’s wrong me etc etc (you know the drill).

• Chances after chances… he’d be good for some time and then slowly it’d start again.
• Luckily, I stopped reacting and crying. I managed to find somewhere to permanently live and saved enough. (Before I’d end up at my parents). When he started again recently screaming in my face and throwing things at me… I’d had enough. I left. He kept ringing me to tell me not to come back. Weird behaviour…considering I’d left by my own accord.

Anyway,
I’m not angry at him. I genuinely wish him all the best in life. However, how does one overcome the abuse? I feel as if my mind is going to explode as I feel so drained and continuing headaches.

I think talking helps. Do you have people to talk to in RL?

Well done BTW! I left xp earlier this year, some similar behaviour

I feel as if my mind is going to explode

I felt that. Emotional abuse, I think, can be so much more destructive than physical because it fucks with your head and rewires the way you think. That's what it is designed to do.

Obviously physical abuse is not any better, don't get me wrong, and that can also have life long consequences but it's more explainable, more easy to understand.

I found Women's Aid a great help. I didn't think I needed them. If they had a pound for every time they'd heard that! They understood, they helped me see behaviours for what they were, that I hadn't recognised when I was enduring them. They also helped me to navigate the end of the relationship and how to keep myself safe from him.

I think what helped me the most was learning about why he used the behaviours he did, what made him tick, and most importantly that it wasn't my fault. And speaking to people who had also experienced such abuse because they understood. As kind as people might want to be, if they don't understand the complete headfuck you've been through, you can end up feeling crazy because trying to explain some of the behaviours can just sound nuts.

Well done for getting out @Shs726 , I hope you are left in peace to start healing and living your new life. And you @THISnewbeginning . There's always someone around here who gets it, please never feel alone

I am sorry but what you have described is physical abuse as well as emotional abuse. I’m sorry you have gone through this and it will be hard to accept and see it for what it was. But ultimately it was physical abuse too - discovering your anger and self-worth will help the healing process in the long run. He is vile and not worthy of you. Don’t forget that. Sending love ❤️

Women's Aid. Prepare to realise that the abuse was far worse than you thought. That was my experience. However, their programme was great and really helped me recover.